Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

A summary of what it says in the Patreon post is allowed, but posting all of it (or typing out all of it) is not allowed. Since the post has been made Patreon only, it falls under the "don't share Patreon only content, but discussion is allowed" rule. Dumb Rule TM I'll DM anyone interested with the...

This update was better.

Updates with John are usually higher quality for some reason.

I agree with FF.

WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?

JUST TO SUFFER?

>Wonder if its because they knew you would spend months on end crying and shitting. https://i.imgur.com/7mxHHN0.png >Exit the room. https://i.imgur.com/xfugd25.png You open the door and hop out of the room. You now stand in a long hallway containing some seemingly unrelated random objects.

>Cast Unlock on the Huge Fuck-Off Padlock'd Door. https://i.imgur.com/bZYhfGB.png Easy peasy. The chains and padlock fall to the ground, and the door is unlocked. LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(4) - Shield - Jump - Life - Unlock >Contemplate why it took you this long to figure out any of th...

Congratulations to the winners.

>Step in bucket. https://i.imgur.com/pF6jUJN.png Feeling an overwhelming surge of nostalgia you decide to reconnect to the physical manifestation of your past by stepping in it. It's warm, wet, and something (you aren't sure what) has started to congeal on the bottom. This was a mistake. >Cast Jump...

>Cast jump on treasure chest. https://i.imgur.com/situivh.png You expend one of your spell slots to cast the Jump spell on the treasure chest, tripling its jump distance!!! 0 x 3 = 0 The chest can now jump up to 0 feet in the air! Good use of a spell slot buddy! LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS US...

>Examine Toshiba brand television. https://i.imgur.com/ea2yobS.png The wall mounted Toshiba tm LF711 Series Television is currently paused on a frame from a late-night infomercial for Propane Cylinders from the company Petrovision. Your boyfriend worked as the host for that infomercial before he wa...

>Attempt to unlock door with parasite. https://i.imgur.com/ggoSOK4.png You pick up the parasite with your mouth, (again: no arms) but before you can use him to try unlocking the door he slides down your throat and returns to your stomach. He was born in that stomach, and he intends to die in that s...

>Cast Life on the poop. https://i.imgur.com/fMw9CRd.png You burn through your first spell slot by attempting to bring your feces back to life. Of course, it doesn't really work like that. You always forget that Life and Revive are two different spells - Life heals living creatures, and Revive bring...

>Use the shovel to reach wizard hat. https://i.imgur.com/vvPvbVx.png The lack of viable tool-wielding protrusions originating in your torso lead you to improvise a crafty solution in order to hoist the shovel. Using your mouth. you hold the tool aloft and give it purpose in knocking the wizard hat ...

farted." THE STORY SO FAR... (with added punctuation, quotes, and paragraph breaks to make it make sense.) A young frog is fabulous, and Princess Fiona began to kiss the frog manifesting tonight. They decided that ruling Arrakis mind spice must be gay, and so the duo became addicted to spice, foldin...

>Put on your wizard hat. https://i.imgur.com/xc9N7lZ.png You cannot reach the Wizard Hat! If you could, putting it on would grant you access to a wide variety of magic spells... well, a "wide variety" means three very weak spells, because you only have 1 Level in your Mage Class so far. Such is the...

>Reminisce on your capture. https://i.imgur.com/cN27t0x.png Thinking back to the time of your capture, a familiar feeling presents itself - a feeling of pure, unfiltered hatred towards the ones who took you. You cannot remember the period of your abduction accurately because it is tinged with the r...

https://i.imgur.com/XL14oTq.png In a room stands you. You wish to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth, but lo, many days has it been since your confinement began. Because of this, you have felt nary a trace of your boyfriend's lips. Today that changes, as the stench of your overflowing bowel movements...

>Fite

I have lost interest in this. It is not as fun as i was led to believe. Why doesnt everyone just play a real game or read a book instead? This is boring.

You trip and fall on your face and die.

Credits:

God