Guaranteed* Comic

[enerdgeia]

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the
23rd of August, 2003, is this young man's birthday. Though it was
thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

[BrobyDDark]

Bart Wilburt

[enerdgeia]

Bart Wilburt

[averageJokester]

> Neil: Examine room.

[enerdgeia]

> Neil: Examine room.

Your name is NEIL. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. You
have a variety of INTERESTS, items related to which are scattered around your room.
You have a passion for PARANORMAL LORE. You like to write songs but you are
NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for SCHLOCKY HORROR FILMS, and
are an aspiring AMATEUR FILMMAKER. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do?

[averageJokester]

> Neil: Run with scissors.

[meatman]

Neil: Open trunk.
Neil: Read birthday card.
Neil: Pick up scissors.

[luigi]

>Examine heroine needle

[enerdgeia]

>Examine heroine needle

Your NEEDLE is in your HAGGARD TRUNK, Bart!

Neil: Pick up scissors.

You retrieve your SCISSORS from the floor. You use these for ARTS & CRAFTS.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX.
You have no idea what that actually means though.

Neil: Open trunk.

To open the trunk you remove the BIRTHDAY CAKE from the lid,
stowing it on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

> Neil: Run with scissors.

Unfortunately, you cannot access the SCISSORS! Their card is
underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the BIRTHDAY CAKE.
You will have to use the cake first in order to access the blades.
But this is probably unadvisable, since you've already eaten way too much cake today!

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a
TUPLE-STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data
structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH
MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.

==>

In here you keep an array of weird and paranatural ARTIFACTS, each one
a devastating weapon in the hands of a PRACTICED READER or CUNNING CRAFTSMAN.

You are neither of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: ONE (1) WIZARD'S HEADDRESS, ONE (1) COPY OF JONATHAN
FRAKES'S NOVEL THE ABDUCTORS: CONSPIRACY, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, ONE (1)
NEEDLE & THREAD, ONE (1) COPY OF WELCOME TO DEAD HOUSE BY R.L. STINE, and ONE (1)
HARRY POTTER SOCK PUPPET.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide
to just take the NEEDLE & THREAD.

[luigi]

>Reunite with beloved sock puppet.

[enerdgeia]

>Reunite with beloved sock puppet.

Ah yes, just one of many HARRY POTTER THEMED PUPPETS you've
made in your spare time. You used to have more, but you gave them away to the people who
needed them more than you did.

Neil: Read birthday card.

This card is rich with the aromas of SCENTED MARKER AND SISTERLY PERFUMES. There are
SOME (~) TACS enclosed inside the card.

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.

[averageJokester]

> Neil: Unroll poster.
> Neil: Examine camcorder.

[enerdgeia]

> Neil: Examine camcorder.

Easily this CAMCORDER is the coolest item in your possession. You were using it
yesterday to film yourself fooling around with an old filing cabinet
from your DAD's work.

> Neil: Unroll Poster.

You are pretty sure you couldn't unroll the poster without first
captchaloguing it, but your sylladex is looking mighty full this afternoon.
Heck, you can't even think of any implements with which to affix it to the wall.
Anything would work, even, say, some tacs.

[averageJokester]

> Neil: Play with the puppet.
> Neil: Place the cake inside the Haggard Trunk.
> Neil: Captchalogue poster.

[BrobyDDark]

>reach beyond the bounds of reality
>store objects in pockets, not cards

[luigi]

>Open window to let some fresh air in

[meatman]

Neil: Rifle through desk drawers for some spare thumbtacks.
Neil: Equip Harry Poppet to hand.
Neil: Place cake on bed.
Neil: Boot up computer.

[Will]

> Neil: Allocate Goosebumps Book to your BookKind strife specibus.

[enerdgeia]

> Neil: Play with the puppet.

Neil? Who is this "Neil" you speak of? You are quite certain that it is Harry who is in control now…

Yeah, this is a really shitty puppet.

While you are wearing the puppet, he remains on his card, but he is temporarily removed from the deck,
thus freeing up the cards beneath him.

> Neil: Place the cake inside the Haggard Trunk.

You set the cake back down on the bed where it won't make a mess. Except by bed, you meant your trunk, the insides of which are now coated with the cake's sugary, cakey innards.

> Neil: Captchalogue poster.

You captchalogue the POSTER. You can’t wait to see what’s on the inside of it!

Neil: Rifle through desk drawers for some spare thumbtacks.

Instead, you captchalogue the TACS from inside the CARD.

You MERGE the TACS and POSTER for good measure.

>reach beyond the bounds of reality

I beg your pardon?

[enerdgeia]

i bungled the sock equip panel.