Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

In a room stands you. You wish to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth, but lo, many days has it been since your confinement began. Because of this, you have felt nary a trace of your boyfriend's lips. Today that changes, as the stench of your overflowing bowel movements have motivated you to find a way out of here - also, you're pretty sure if you stay the smell and bacteria will literally kill you.

How do you plan on escaping this room, O Gay One?

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Wed Nov 18, 2020 5:22 am

>Reminisce on your capture.

Thinking back to the time of your capture, a familiar feeling presents itself - a feeling of pure, unfiltered hatred towards the ones who took you. You cannot remember the period of your abduction accurately because it is tinged with the red of upset adrenaline, and your mind is temporarily consumed with a lust for the blood of your captor.

o->

After a few moments you manage to calm down enough to return to reality. Flipping out and lamenting your situation won't be enough to allow you to escape prison, so you don't even bother trying. Your blood lust is replaced with regular lust, for your boyfriend.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Wed Nov 18, 2020 11:03 am

>Put on your wizard hat.

You cannot reach the Wizard Hat! If you could, putting it on would grant you access to a wide variety of magic spells... well, a "wide variety" means three very weak spells, because you only have 1 Level in your Mage Class so far.

Such is the burden of a mortal coil that has not made proper use of finite time.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:32 pm

>Use the shovel to reach wizard hat.

The lack of viable tool-wielding protrusions originating in your torso lead you to improvise a crafty solution in order to hoist the shovel. Using your mouth. you hold the tool aloft and give it purpose in knocking the wizard hat to the ground.

Equipping the shovel in such a manner creates a situation in which you could lethally choke yourself with ease.

o->

The smartest course of action, and the one you decide to take, is to spit the shovel out onto the ground. It lands into your self-produced manure. You also put the wizard hat on. It took a lot of effort and shimmying your head along the floor, but it happened and luckily nobody has to draw it because that would be a lot of effort for something that ultimately is not that interesting to witness.

Anyways, you now have access to the following spells:

LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(0)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life

What do you do next?

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 20, 2020 7:00 am

>Cast Life on the poop.

You burn through your first spell slot by attempting to bring your feces back to life. Of course, it doesn't really work like that. You always forget that Life and Revive are two different spells - Life heals living creatures, and Revive brings them back from the dead. Unfortunately, this means you wasted the spell slot... or... wait what's that? Stirring in the pile?

o->

Turns out one of the stomach parasites you excised wasn't fully dead, and you've just given him a new lease on life.

The flies are already has healthy as they can be, so your spell does nothing on them.

LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(1)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 20, 2020 2:19 pm

>Attempt to unlock door with parasite.

You pick up the parasite with your mouth, (again: no arms) but before you can use him to try unlocking the door he slides down your throat and returns to your stomach. He was born in that stomach, and he intends to die in that stomach.

As long as he's in there you will be unable to retrieve any nutrients from food you consume.

>Examine Toshiba brand television.

The wall mounted Toshiba^tm LF711 Series Television is currently paused on a frame from a late-night infomercial for Propane Cylinders from the company Petrovision. Your boyfriend worked as the host for that infomercial before he was kidnapped by The Organization.

You suspect they left the TV stuck on this moment to taunt you -- this was the last infomercial he ever got a chance to film before you were both captured and separated.

o->

You miss him so much.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 22, 2020 7:24 pm

>Cast jump on treasure chest.

You expend one of your spell slots to cast the Jump spell on the treasure chest, tripling its jump distance!!!

0 x 3 = 0

The chest can now jump up to 0 feet in the air! Good use of a spell slot buddy!

LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(2)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life

>Examine overflowing bucket of fluid.

That's YOUR fluid. It was released from your bladder at high speeds in days past. You've been in here so long, you're actually feeling a tinge of nostalgia for the first time you peed in this waste receptacle. You've also been in here so long that, yes, it's starting to overflow.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Tue Nov 24, 2020 4:44 pm

>Step in bucket.

Feeling an overwhelming surge of nostalgia you decide to reconnect to the physical manifestation of your past by stepping in it.

It's warm, wet, and something (you aren't sure what) has started to congeal on the bottom. This was a mistake.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Tue Nov 24, 2020 4:44 pm

>Cast Jump on yourself and jump to the chest to knock it off its shelf.

You use your third spell slot to increase your jump height by 3 times itself. You prepare to do a jump...

LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(3)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life

o->

...and you reach the chest no problem! Although, the sticky bucket clings to your feet and comes with you. This is going to be a shitty landing...

o->

Literally.

Luckily though the bucket took the brunt of the pile.

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Wed Nov 25, 2020 8:13 am

>Open chest.

You pull the chest out of the excrement and open it. Inside is a scroll with the Level 1 Spell "Unlock" written on it. You add it to your list of known spells.

LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(3)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life
- Unlock

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 27, 2020 7:54 am

>Cast Unlock on the Huge Fuck-Off Padlock'd Door.

Easy peasy. The chains and padlock fall to the ground, and the door is unlocked.


LEVEL 1 : SLOTS TOTAL(6) || SLOTS USED(4)
- Shield
- Jump
- Life
- Unlock

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 27, 2020 7:54 am

>Contemplate why it took you this long to figure out any of this.

To be fair, you were only locked in here for a few months. Also you spent most of your time crying and shitting.

The bigger mystery is why did your captives lock the door from the inside and leave you with the key and a wizard hat?