Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

[S]>Begin Trol Sessoion
























"takes place in the MCU"









[font=Comic Sans MS]You ignoramus, you utter eater of ashes and fiberglass insulation. How dare you visit this forsaken website. I took some small solace in being free of the harsh light of the Interesting Zones, but it seems even permanence of that comfort is unattainable. Indulging this nonsense again is as damaging to you as it is to me. Imagine crashing your car and then hailing a rideshare driven by youtube live chat to take you to the hospital. This adventure is the freeway to hell, and you’re driving on the wrong side of the median.



Why are you here? Is it morbid curiosity? Is it, through some sort of self-schadenfreude, out of an actual interest in the original series? Is it because you hated Trol Seasson, and hope that this will be better? It is with pain that I inform you, “2roll Season 2” is not “Trol Seasson.” It is much worse.[/font]














That an Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnisexual being such as myself should be delegated to overseeing this wretched, festering world once is one thing, but to be dragged back, dredged from the blissful unconsciousness of irrelevance. That is torture. That is what you have done. Does my suffering amuse you? Do you derive joy from this? You rotten, vile thing. You pustule on the face of your oh-so-pristine “non-fictional” universe. Perhaps you didn’t even read the original adventure. That’s fine. It is literally nothing but a waste of time for both of us, and I have all the time in the world.



My name is Doc Coulton. I am the First Guardian of Trolternia.
In this video, I will








What the fuck is this shit.










Name the dude

"takes place in the MCU”




[/screenshot]




















Whoops, your GAMER GRIP is too strong for the SCREEN RESOLUTION KNOB, and it snaps right off! The RESOLUTION VACUUM begins sucking in pixels from the rest of the room.

This bodes bad for a bodacious lakebottom abode! Bro, you'd better go! Vamoose! Swoose on out! Get outta this joint!








You run out of the room and shut the door. Thankfully, you’ve prepared for events like this.













You get down from your GAMER THRONE and check under the seat cushion.







Something in here will help you!

You look for something to forget about the troubles of a gamer....

You look into your trash and garbage, ephemera and detritus of a misspent youth, tooth and nail fought and fraught with online bugbears. A crumpled slip of paper with a Shreddit (reddit but for Shreddies, the cereal) password. A glow-in-the-dark rubber duck from your ill conceived random phase. An xbox 360 to Gamecube to Wii 3 controller adapter, wrapped tight in 37m of extension cable.
Sometimes you wish you could adapt. Sometimes you wish you could extend.

You rifle through the rubbish. Rifles and Gamestation vouchers. But Gamestation closed long ago, retro and pre-owned facades and dedication to preservation supplanted by Game's sterile purple sheen and incessant, alienating, cutting edge triple-A rollout. It has been so long that you have begun to doubt; is there really any difference between the two? Or like Mario and Luigi Super Mario Bros., are they but aspects of the same thing.

What have you done with your life?
Is a gamer not entitled to the sweat of their palms? Shouldn't some friendship be waiting in this pile of painstakingly procured peripherals?
It feels like you're leading the nintendo 64 controller of lifes, while some people get to lead gamecube controller lives. It doesn't seem fair.
You come upon a change of underwear.
This world needs a change of underwear.
You just wish you knew how.













yummy

Not yet.




















click for sound


That’s right! You left your phone on the table in here. As the landlord-provided in-home surveillance system detects your proximity to your phone, each of your 35 distinct instant messaging apps each begin ringing with all your missed notifications. If this goes on for too long, the phone overheats and melts into plastic slag. With gamer swiftness, you grab the device and turn off the sound. It’s still hot enough to leave scorch marks on your hands. This is the price you pay to stay connected.

Long ago, you tried using the instant messaging software on your Fallout 4 Pip-Boy Edition Limited Edition Fallout 4 Pip-Boy 3000 mark IV, but you could never get the hang of using the mouse to choose individual letters and then clicking Enter. Maybe that makes you less of a gamer. But it’s the truth.



You log in to one of the most popular servers and choose the chat labeled “home repair”. You scroll to the most recent messages and begin writing.