Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

>Communicate with the sun. Ask it about its favorite films.



Philip I really don't think this is the time, no I'm not saying that the Sun isn't into the TERMANTRO Movies, I'm just saying that the Sun is probably a little pre-occupied with that CEPHALOPEDIC HELLSTRAND, what does that mean, you ask? Well it's a Cephalopod, It's Demonic, and that's really all there is to say about it.
The Sun of course is indeed, a little too pre-occupied to field your questions about what movies it likes, but I imagine it has a fondness for the film CHARLIE'S ANGELS, why you ask, I don't know, seems like the kind of a film a SUNNY GUY would enjoy, wouldn't it? No? Ah, just me then.

>Act out that famous football game from the 70's. Grab a coconut for the ball and run through the posts to score a touchdown.





You take the BALL, you LINE UP, the SHOT, and you prepare to score. The Bases are hot, but Philip is hotter, you only have one chance, ONE OPPORTUNITY. You see the drive, clear as daylight.

>Next



GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!

>Next



You realize at about this time that Philip doesn't actually know all that much about sports, and likely never will.

>Create a regal throne and sit between the posts



You acquire some palm fronds and seaweed and assemble a SEAWEED THRONE, and [s]pretend to[/s]REIGN OVER THIS TINY ISLE LIKE THE REAL NOT FAKE MONARCH YOU ARE...
Wow, seriously?
Phillip we're going to need to have a long discussion at some point about you're delusions of grandeur, I mean, seriously, a king? Wow.

>Next



You suddenly find yourself disapperated from this present point in space and possibly time.

>Next





Well now, where the hell is this?

>You lost your hat and medal...



Oh sweet alabaster god-kids Phillip what happened, you're distinguished MEDAL OF VALORIOUS WONDERKIND, granted for serviced rendered to KING DASHING-JAY in return for saving his daughter, and the FEZTETCH OF THE ARBITRAX, almight haberwear of the King of Pluck, how could you let these things slip off of you like that, what are you some kind of stupid dumbass idiot Phillip????
And worst of all...

>OH MY GOSH YOU'RE NAKED! Quickly, cover your shame!



Good phantasms of of divine conflagration, cover your shame Phil, don't you know THAT CHILDREN ARE WATCHING*, cover your spicy being-pecs, didn't you used to have soe stylish COCONUTS for this task? Whatever happened to them Phillip, between slaying OBSTEODRAX and getting shanghighed on a grandiose pirate-themed caper, WHAT HAPPENED.

Oh whatever, Phil, sure, don't tell us.

*Children are infamously always watching.

>oh whats that..(looks at robot) SHINY GLOWY CUBE





You gaze upon the SPIRAL JUJUBE, how do you know it's called that? Well I mean look at it, what else would you call something like that, it's SPIRALLY, it's green, and it's a Juju. Whatever the heck a "Juju" is, is that like Kujo? Phillip be careful that cube might give you rabies.

>Gaze deeply into the swirly box



You GAZE yet deeper into the depths of the JUJUBE, as your singular occulus swirls transfixed into the ever expanding spirals of the mystic arcanum you find yourself absorbed into REALMS OF NARRATIVE WHIMSY, the likes of which you, a simpleton who still doesn't know how to read, cannot possibly fathom.
A dashing tune starts playing in your mind, you cannot grasp it's purpose of it's quality,and indeed the textual nature of your internal monologue makes it difficult to transcribe.

DOODEE DOODEE DOODEE

It would sound something like that, you think.

DOODEE DOODEE DOODEE

DOODEE DOODEE DOODEE

Yeah like that, over and over and over again.

Swirls of COLORS and sometimes of MAYHEM, mostly in shades of GREEN weasel into your mind and proceed to FLIP THE FUCK OUT, causing you to develop a minor migraine, you proceed to stop gazing into the JUJUBE.

>Next.



Yeah, you've got no idea what the hell this thing is doing or what it's for.
You stick it in your inventory anyway.

>_

>What's the white ball in front of the gate? It's the only thing the same color as you, but it was there before you arrived...



It's a Coco-Nut.
Philip Kicked it into the gate-posts earlier, remember.

>Quickly grab that coconut and fashion it into something stylish to wear.



You fashion the COCONUT into a stylish COCONUT BRASSIER, in a nostalgic callback to simpler times. Remember, Phil, when you're biggest problem was figuring out how to coordinate a dozen arms, and not weird teleporters and SPIDER QUEENS.
Excuse me, *PIRATE QUEENS.

>Go give that robot the good-cop/bad-cop routine. He knows something and you're not going to rest until he spills it.



Yeah you think you're going to... ... ...

>walk past that boring robot-corpse-whatever into the next room on the right



Yeah that, exactly, what else were you thinking, nothing that's what.

>Next





>Next



Well this is certainly a hallway of certain mystery innit Phillip.

>_