Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

This is YOU. YOU are CARDBOY. That is NOT YOUR REAL NAME. However, it is the NAME YOU'RE STUCK WITH.

YOU do not know WHY the NARRATOR inSISTS on CALLING YOU CARDBOY. NOR why HE inSISTS on USING an ABNORMAL AMOUNT OF FULLY CAPITAL WORDS. It SOUNDS like HE is CONSTANTLY YELLING in YOUR HEAD.

As CARDBOY, you do not do much. You sit on the playground with your strange little cap, staring boredly towards the street, hoping beyond hope that one day a car will swerve in your direction and splatter you against the brick wall you have spent the last 8 years leaning against every day at school. You have been going to this school since you were 2, making you 10 now. You don't have any friends, but you do have...
This anime looking motherfucker who has been harrassing you near daily since you both wore diapers.

This is Brengi. He's a FUCKING NERD. But he's also FILTHY FUCKING RICH.

At least, as far as you know. He has all the rarest CARDZZZZZ alongside a house and a bus pass. All YOU'VE got is the house. Lucky bastard.

Brengi comes up to where you're resting against the wall and whips his card into your face, showing it off. He does this a lot as part of his bullying tactic. You know what comes next. You stand up.
And get ready for a duel.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

>Disregard B-Boy. Go on the swings and swing so hard you go all the way around.

Cardboy: come to the realization that you are a braindead cumguzling, cock juggling thunder cunt.

Merlin wrote: ↑

Sat May 02, 2020 10:14 pm

Cardboy: come to the realization that you are a braindead cumguzling, cock juggling thunder cunt.

Holy fuck I'm excited for this adventure.

>Cardboy: take all those negative feelings you have about yourself and just completely overshare them with Brenji, really just open up, vent, dish, dump every miserable insecurity you have on that sick anime looking fuck.

luigi wrote: ↑

Sat May 02, 2020 7:51 pm

>Disregard B-Boy. Go on the swings and swing so hard you go all the way around.

Spoiler

Show

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Sat May 02, 2020 5:57 pm

YOU do not know WHY the NARRATOR inSISTS on CALLING YOU CARDBOY. NOR why HE inSISTS on USING an ABNORMAL AMOUNT OF FULLY CAPITAL WORDS. It SOUNDS like HE is CONSTANTLY YELLING in YOUR HEAD.

I feel personally attacked

You WOULD do that, if the swings weren't occupied. Well, scratch that. You wouldn't do that even if the swings were free. Any kind of fast movement makes you vomit. That kind of weakness is probably why you get picked on by nerds like Brengi.

Merlin wrote: ↑

Sat May 02, 2020 10:14 pm

Cardboy: come to the realization that you are a braindead cumguzling, cock juggling thunder cunt.

You're 10, it's about 15 years too early for you to come to that realization.

RancidRancor wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 12:44 am

>Cardboy: take all those negative feelings you have about yourself and just completely overshare them with Brenji, really just open up, vent, dish, dump every miserable insecurity you have on that sick anime looking fuck.

You wanna do it. You're GONNA do it. Everything awful about yourself. Every thought of the sweet release of death you've ever considered. Every time you've pissed while bathing. You're gonna tell this fucking anime loser everything and then high-dive off the jungle gym into the concrete ocean beneath you.
Before you can open your mouth to vent, Brengi shows off his card once more, forcing you to look directly at it. It's not too impressive, rareness wise, but you get the feeling it has something to do with his CALAMITOUS CARD COMBO.



BRENGI: Look at this cool card I got from my grand-pa-pa's card shop! I believe I would like to duel you with it! Get ready, Cardboy!

Crimeny, he DEFINITELY wants to duel you.

> __

>Grab his card and RIP it to pieces

>Use your head propeller to fly away

>Pull out Tarot card from inventory system

luigi wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 1:46 am

>Grab his card and RIP it to pieces

Man, that WOULD be great to do...
Unfortunately he's already summoned the damn thing.

Mandy wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 4:14 am

>Use your head propeller to fly away

If only. This hat is useful for a good many things, but flying is not one of them. You've tried. Countless times.
BRENGI: Heeeyyy, Cardbooooy.

You look over to see Brengi flicking you the bird. The cunt.

BRENGI: Come on, Cardbbbbbooooooy. Whip out a card, Cardboooooy.

Mirage Xel wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 3:33 pm

>Pull out Tarot card from inventory system

You're fairly certain you don't have any Tarot cards or cards of any kind, but you'll check anyways...



What the fuck. There's something actually in there?



You go to grab it from your inventory...

CARD GET!



You have obtained #21, The World! This card is... Well its a card. And you have it.

What do? Your opponent has Cup Thing! And you only have a Tarot Card!

> __

>Look up what that tarot card means

>damn, I wish it was the Tower... but anyway
The World card points to the presiding wisdom which upholds life on this and all worlds. In most Tarot decks, it is a female figure that has become our standard World image. She originates in Hebrew, Gnostic, and Alchemical lore, and stands between heaven and Earth as the cosmic mother of souls, the wife of God, and our protector from the karmic forces we have set loose upon the Earth in our immaturity and ignorance.

The goddess of The World card invites us into cosmic citizenship -- once we come to realize our soul's potential for it. It announces the awakening of the soul's immortal being, accomplished without the necessity of dying


Tl:DR--> ENLIGHTEN THAT CRABBY MOTHERFUCKER

>ZA WARUDO

luigi wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 9:06 pm

>Look up what that tarot card means

You would but...



...you're terrible with computers.

23toedbasket wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 9:44 pm

>damn, I wish it was the Tower... but anyway
The World card points to the presiding wisdom which upholds life on this and all worlds. In most Tarot decks, it is a female figure that has become our standard World image. She originates in Hebrew, Gnostic, and Alchemical lore, and stands between heaven and Earth as the cosmic mother of souls, the wife of God, and our protector from the karmic forces we have set loose upon the Earth in our immaturity and ignorance.

The goddess of The World card invites us into cosmic citizenship -- once we come to realize our soul's potential for it. It announces the awakening of the soul's immortal being, accomplished without the necessity of dying

Thank GOD the neighborhood nerd came along to look it up for you.
You just wish you knew why he was hiding in the bushes.

23toedbasket wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 9:44 pm

Tl:DR--> ENLIGHTEN THAT CRABBY MOTHERFUCKER

Good idea on paper, however-



Your Enlightening skill is less than stellar. In fact, you could even say you have no skill in that regard, or any skill for that matter, as the skill system is just an imaginary thing you thought up.

Mirage Xel wrote: ↑

Mon May 04, 2020 2:41 am

>ZA WARUDO

Oh man, I LOVE Joji's Strange Travels! And Joji references!



You, on the other hand, are a 10 year old child, so the only anime you know is that creepy Pokemon show that gives you nightmares.

>Wonder why a 50 year old man is hiding in the bushes feeding you advice on tarot cards.

>Summon the embodiment of your soul.

mastrubate into the bullys mouth

BrobyDDark wrote: ↑

Tue May 12, 2020 3:19 pm

Sorry I haven't posted anything I'm so late I know I just got stuck up with shit it'll be out soon.

yey

luigi wrote: ↑

Mon May 04, 2020 11:51 pm

>Wonder why a 50 year old man is hiding in the bushes feeding you advice on tarot cards.

???: I can answer that. My name is Todoriki Bakamichi. I...am a card game fanatic. I love watching card duels. And what better place to watcy card duels than a schoolyard? Please do not do a background check.

Mirage Xel wrote: ↑

Tue May 05, 2020 5:08 am

>Summon the embodiment of your soul.

Todoroki: Cardboy, I see a well of power within you. I believe you can defeat that freakish cup thing. You just have to follow your heart!
Well, your heart is telling you to summon to embodiment of your soul. You don't know if that's even possible, let alone if you're capable. But if the local child predator believes in you...



...





Tentacles come out of nowhere and reach out for you, but you're helpless to do anything about it.



Brengi: Wha....what's happening to him!?!
Todoroki: He's following his heart.



Soon, the tentacles have wrapped entirely around you. Enveloping you in their cold grasp. Brengi and Todoroki only look on in horror and curiosity respectively.





In a flash The World becomes The Fool. And you become...



A limp corpse on the ground! But oh...



At least you've managed to summon a powerful new ally- Foolboy!

>_