Mold a Toblerone

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. You know have 6 foot long legs and a 1 foot and 5 inch long torso/head combo.

I wish for some beef jerky.

[galileanTactician]

Granted! It get stolen by a bunch of degenerates in horrible cosplay, and it gets posted on Twitter.

I wish that Homestuck^2 was finally cancelled so I can go homme and sleep.

[Oddhi]

Granted. Homestuck^2 is cancelled, and you can finally rest for what feels like the first time since the Epilogues dropped... You are then plagued by nightmares of something that you never foresaw, and wake up in a cold sweat. This is when you realize that it wasn't supposed to be this way. Who are you without Homestuck? You reflect for a while, and come to the conclusion that without Homestuck, you are living without purpose. Nothing can quite satisfy the itch that Homestuck has been scratching for years. As the days go by, you increasingly feel like you are missing something in your life, something vital. Sleep no longer revitalizes you, and you awake every morning yearning for something that is no longer there. Try as you may, you can't find something to satisfy you quite like Homestuck had. You desperately read other pieces of literature, hoping to push back the craving, but only find that other literature pales in comparison to the behemoth that was once Homestuck. Months pass, and each day feels empty. You've nothing to look forward to, so you sit there, reflecting on the past. You begin browsing old forums, each with only a few active members, in an attempt to fill the void that Homestuck has left. You engage in conversations regarding character development, symbolism, and overarching themes just so that you can relive the days of reading Homestuck. It is only later that you find that this simply isn't enough. As people finally lose interest, they stop replying to the forums. You are left all alone, wishing for that in which you cannot receive.

I wish that Vriska wore different shoes.

[galileanTactician]

Granted! Vriska starts wearing Timberlands from now on.

Edit: jesus fuck dude, you just described my worst fears in technicolor.

I wish that Tavros survived his final encounter with vriska.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. Everyone realizes that violent murder isn't the solution to all their problems as they beat the shit out of Vriska and Eridan for being idiots. With the Troll team in tact, the Epilogues come much sooner, thus ruining the natural flow of the world. We smash into a meteorite in later 2017, destroying the planet.

I wish Babu Tavros got choccy milk

[galileanTactician]

Granted!
> bE ME
> dEAD bECAUSE OF vRISKA
> gET sAD
> sEE aRADIA mAKING SOME hOT CHOCLETY MILK
> sHE sMILES and gIVES mE sOME
> dRINKS
> iTS gOOD
> tHANKS HOT CHOCCY MILK

I wish for Hussie to deliver all the good boys and girls chrimbus presents

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. Why the fuck would you ask for this? Are you insane? Hussie crawls down the chimney around 12 o'clock, carrying a sack full of goodies for all the good girls and boys. Well, goodies in his mind. "Faygo..." He whispers in the childrens' ears, dropping one large bottle of Faygo under the tree for every child in the house to share. He dances about with a can of troll blood paint, decorating the house with splatters of the iron-smelling multi-colored substance. For the father, he leaves a wrapped codpiece. For the mother, a signed photograph of the Huss himself, that reads "Keep on dreaming. Love, Husslord." For little Bobby, who asked for a Tonka truck and some candy, he leaves STACKS of Leprechaun romance lore. Literally to the ceiling, it's kinda stupid. For little Susan, who merely wanted a brand new Bratz doll, Hussie drops off oodles of Smuppets. Over all, a disturbing Christmas.

I wish for lips like the Husslord's.

[PilotBlackSmith]

Granted, they suck

I wish for artistic talent

[aspiringWatcher]

Granted, they suck

I wish for artistic talent

Granted, it's in a field you can't afford financially.

I wish for arasol to be recognized as the OG panquad pairing.

[Astridify]

Granted, but Hussie kills off Sollux right after FOR GOOD. Aradia is stuck in a loop of crying for all of eternity or something...

I wish all the unused Toblerones were given to me.

[SC]

Granted, but you don't get them before they've been melted and combined with several hundred gallons of TaB, Faygo, and tons and TONS of smuppets, which have been mixed into this horrible concoction that smells (and tastes!) like the worst parts of 2011. (This is why you should have read the fine print...) Needless to say, you've lost your appetite for the next day. Probably the next month, even.

I wish Bardquest would come back.

[lazer3964]

Granted, But only for one page before becoming a huss-flavored fever dream.

i genuinely wish for John to be actually happy

[RoyalFiddle]

...

i genuinely wish for John to be actually happy

Granted, John is happy for about a minute before his death

Oh great and almight Broblerone, grant me this unholy wish, I beseech thee under the bloodlit skies of planet fucking Jupiter, provide me the power, enough to truly dethrone all others in sheer power, enough to wrest control away from any Wastes or Lords. Broblerone I beg of thee, bestow upon me this raw ass kicking ability so that I may smite basically whatever the fuck I feel like smiting

[BrobyDDark]

Cool. You have the power to smite people. Your smite takes the form of a firm slap. People don't really give up control so much as they feel offended by your action and leave. The entirety of the world accelerates space tragel technology to get away from you and the world you've sullied with your silly smiting.

Toblerone give me the power to make a dank hoagie whenever this sumbizzitch wants, dig?

[VASKA]

Granted. You can make a dank hoagie whenever this sumbizzitch wants, but it's dank. As in cold, damp, and smells funny.

I wish for more ancestor lore.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. Its all trapped within the dank hoagies.

Magic Toblerone, make Dirk always have been named Dork.

[AllergicToSanity]

Granted. Due to the butterfly effect and you doing different actions in the Dork timeline, you are erased from existence, such as everything else to be remade in a new universe.

I wish for TF2 to be ported to Source 2.

[kingof555]

granted, but it's buggy as hell and it insults the player with whatever it is that they're most insecure about

i wish sollux was the most cool and important character.

[RoyalFiddle]

Granted. His personality is wildly different because he doesn't have a chip on his shoulder about being irrelevant anymore

I wish for the characters in homestuck that don't fix their problems themselves to actually fix their problems (Tavros, Jake, etc. etc.)

[kingof555]

granted. it just causes worse problems

i wish that and were more in the style of