Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

So I'm assuming that most of you know how this works, as it's a classic among forum games. But in case you don't know, here is a quick refresher of the rules:

Someone posts a wish. You grant the wish of the previous poster, but with a twist: you corrupt it in some way so that it's different from what the person originally intended. Then you say how the wish is corrupted, then you post your own wish. And the game goes on.

Example:

I wish that I could have a trillion US dollars

Granted. It's going to appear right above you and crush you to death

Be as specific as possible with you wish to stump the genie and be as crafty as possible to punish the wisher!

Now for my wish:

I wish to have a glass of refreshing water in a regular glass cup with no poisons or deadly bacteria in it.

You are granted a glass of refreshing water in a regular glass cup with no poisons or deadly bacteria in it. There is only one drop of water in the glass.

I wish for a venti toasted white mocha from Starbucks, hot, with whipped cream on it.

I can't make this any worse for you. Starbucks allredy sucks

so, a monkey pawn game.

anyway, ignoring MP the OP OG, you get your venti toasted white mocha from Starbucks but the whipped cream had already expired for weeks, leaving your drink undrinkable.

I wish for complete, utter immortality.

Granted, You are completely immortal but no longer have any of your humans senses. Hope you enjoy the void.

I wish for an andrew hussie toblerone.

Granted. You get a toblorone literly made of Hussie

I wish for the ability to expertly prank anyone in the world without being found out

granted, and to make sure you aren't found out, nobody can ever perceive you ever again

I wish to be a player of Sburb and for it to not end in a doomed timeline!

Your wish is granted. You end up in a Void session instead.

I wish to become the President of the United States!

Granted. You are ipeched during you first day in office

I wish racism didn't exist

granted. The word racism does not exits and since theres no word to refer to it the problem of racism will never be solved nor faced.

I wish to be as powerful as LE

You are as powerful as LE, but you are trapped in a multiverse with no one to rule over.

I wish to do whatever it takes to allow MSPA Reader to see his old friends again

Granted. MSPAReader is given the opportunity to meet all of their old friends, but due to the noticeable absence, they have all developed hatred towards them for abandoning their friends on a dystopic planet.

I wish I was the best musician on Earth, with specific technical ability and the skill to adapt to new techniques and technology, so the music that I make can make me rich and famous

Granted.
I don't need to do anything. You realize quickly that money and fame can't obtain happiness. You can't maintain a decent personal life - everyone knows who you are. It comes a point where you can't be sure if someone's just trying to use you for your success or being genuine. You're the most famous musician of all time, which makes every other musician jealous of you. You get a little agitated - you may lash out a little here there. Rumors spread. Voices ring out. Soon, you lose everything.
You end up sad and alone - a piano master without a soul.

I wish Homestuck Act 7 was a perfect ending that left everyone satisfied, myself included, thus making the necessity of an epilogue arguably moot.

granted. Everyones perception of what "a perfect ending" shifts to accomodate the current ending.

I wish to be able to ramble like Dave does

Granted, now everyone hates you because you ramble so much

I wish I was average at everything I do

Granted. You are average at walking, eating, sleeping, blinking, breathing, seeing, smelling, and all other senses of your body. You will never again feel overwhelming joy, or find paintings beautiful, or taste delicious food ever again.

I wish I were faster at drawing.

Granted. You make it to the Guinness book of world records for the fastest artist. Unfortunately, all of your drawings now look like a toddler got hold of a crayon and went at it.

I wish to be able to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day for the next fifty years without any of the health issues associated with it.

Granted.
Everyone in the world can hear you opening your chocolate, and they know your precise location at all times.

I wish I was one of the cool kids, because the cool kids, they all seem to fit in.

Granted, you are a coolkid but you are now dead inside

I wish for the omnitricx

granted, you get the omnitricx, a shitty Chinese bootleg of the Omnitrix, which now also exists. Everyone makes fun of your shitty device for being shit.


I wish for the incorruptible wish, the creme da la creme of basic bitch smart people shit. I wish for the ability to make an infinite amount of consequence and cost free wishes, at no cost of making said initial wish, with no time limit set.

(and in case y'all think I've done and made something impossible to beat, three people on my discord have beaten this wish already)