[MIRROR] Firequest

[Sp00kyrex]

(MSPFA Mirror: https://mspfa.com/?s=20703&p=1)
(Discord link: https://discord.gg/uD4CS3u)

FIREQUEST


>Begin Firequest.


You are a man on a mission.



But... you do not seem to know what that mission is...

(Author's Note: Panels from the first page of the original Omegaupdate thread will be posted here, and from there I'll leave a link to the rest of the comic on MSPFA.)

[Sp00kyrex]

>Contemplate existence.


You seem to lack the cognitive capabilities required to carry out this complex philosophical command!

>Start your quest already.



You have not received any quests yet!

You have been standing motionless in this desolate field for the last 3 hours waiting. For what, you do not yet know. Though considering the fact that you don't really want to reach the milestone of hour 4, you may have to soon take actions into your own hands.

>Realize you are naked. Panic.


You are not intelligent enough to have developed morals and shame!

Though for the sake of decency the author has obliged to censor you for any readers unfortunate enough to possess these qualities.

==>


Better to be safe than sorry.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Check your inventory.


You ignore the fact that you are naked and attempt to access your inventory.

Unfortunately for you, it appears that you have not yet invented an "inventory," nor have you invented the word "inventory." You aren't actually sure if you have invented the word "word" either.

You kinda you rub yourself in lieu of an invented inventory to access like a weirdo.

>Examine the landscape.


Well it's like you said earlier, it is desolate and empty. You doubt that there could be anything of significance out there for any reas-

Oh my god.

==>


Phew.

Dodged a bullet there.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Investigate strange bush.


The bush in question seems to be extraordinarily average, a little pointy if anything.

It seems to be made of sturdy wooden stalks with a approximately one (1) leaf on the highest branch.

If you wanted to you could probably harvest the near death shrub for its supple branches. You could probably craft something with them assuming you have the mental capacity to carry out such a mentally constraining task.

==>


==>


Uhh...

You guess you won't use the bush after all.

[Sp00kyrex]

==>


==>


>Become inspired.


You have gained 10 inspiration points.

You can use these to develop new technologies and make cool and new interesting creations that those of lesser intelligence would do well to gawk over. The power of creativity is yours.

>Use ground clutter to create a weapon.


You craft the MAKESHIFT DILDO.

Truly a weapon to strike fear in even the burliest of opponents.

You have been deducted -5 inspiration points.

[Sp00kyrex]

==>


It seems the shrub is nearly out of burnable material.

The fire will die soon.

>Contemplate shrub.


You wish you had a way to retain the beauty of the orange light before you, but alas, like a hungry animal the flames gorge on the energy-rich wood of the plant. Soon there will be nothing left of the bush and the flames will die, starved of their life-essence.

You'd need a brilliant idea in order to become a holder of the flame.

==>


Lucky for you, inspiration seems to be in ample supply.

>Become the holder.


You use the sticks on the ground to assemble a slightly larger wooden stick. With it you think you may be able to claim the wild flame.

==>


==>


>DO IT MAN DO ITTTTTTTTTTTT


You do it.

You finally got out of bed. It took a little coaxing considering your back, but you don't earn anything lazing about. Its important to stay active in these trying times, even in little ways. You just wish you were strong enough to be able to properly check up on your son. You can only hope that he is doing alright out there.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Question location.


Oh you wouldn't know too much about that. You know that there was the evacuation, but your son was much more acquainted with that big old mess, at least more so than you were. He brought you here and told you that so long as you and he stayed here, you'd be fine. He said a while ago that he had to leave for a bit and that he would be back soon. You're sure he knows what he's doing out there, but you can't help but worry.

You hope he is alright.

>Examine panel.


This is just the panel for the hatch at the top of the ladder.

You won't be able to climb it yourself though. You'll need the help of your son, or at the very least someone similarly strong.

Not that you would leave without him though. You would never abandon your son like that.

==>


==>


Could it be?

==>


It must be!

Your son must have returned!

You find it a bit odd that he hadn't called beforehand, but you suppose whatever nonsense he's been dealing with must have kept him from it. You're just glad he's come back to you.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Anticipate arrival.


==>


==>


==>

Spoiler

Show

???: Why hello there little lady.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Flee!


You suppose you could...

You..

Wait...

What are you doing again?

>Recall events.


You just remembered what it was you were doing.

You had, only a few hours ago, been struck with the brilliant idea of harnessing the glow of the burning bush with a stick of encapsulating strength. As such, you now possess the fire of nature's hearth for yourself.

You are such a genius, you honestly can't seen any fault with your current course of action, especially the decision to sit motionless, completely enthralled by the swift and elegant movements of your torch's light.

>Investigate noise.


Hey, yeah what is that noise?

There aren't any plants for miles, especially considering the only one near you was literally struck down by God only a few hours ago, presumably for failing to properly deliver to him the respect he deserves (due to it unfortunately being an unthinking, unmoving plant).

So uh... what's making that weird scratching sound?

==>


==>


==>

[Sp00kyrex]

>Freak out.


Oh God what the Christ is that.

No no no no no, that is not natural. That does not happen. Eyes do not pop out of the ground like that.

Maybe its a gopher? No gophers don't grow that bi-

Oh dear Christ it blinked.

oh god oh god oh god no no no please stop being real please oh Christ IT BLINKED AGAIN YOU SAW IT WHY IS IT SO CREEPY WHY——ARE THOSE TEETH? NONONONONONONONO.

>Wield sword (Dildo) in defensive precaution.


You wield the weapon promptly.

This thing probably can't defend you though, in all honesty.

>Ditch the censorship already. It's distracting.


Ok fine.

But when the disgruntled mothers start pouring in like angry badgers, don't be surprised when they start decrying this comic as the literal spawn of the devil's puckered feces gaper.

"Oh no! Little Timmy's been exposed to a work of fiction! Now who will stop him from smoking crystal marajewanas and eating babies like the heartless atheist he's become?!"

What a bunch of whiners.

==>


Oh yeah. Forgot about that.

[Sp00kyrex]

>ABSCOND RIGHT NOW.


Yeah you weren't planning on staying.

==>


==>


==>


>Get out of this dangerous situation alive.


You aren't really inclined to believe that anyone would be in any immediate danger, aside from anyone nearby.

That being because you are pretty steamed right now.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Calm down.


*sigh*

It really is bad form to get this riled up over your situation considering how long you've been working on your project. You really don't have an excuse to be as frustrated as you are aside from impatience, really.

>Examine corkboard.


There really isn't much on there to be completely honest.

It's mostly stuff you already picked up from your investigations. Either way it's led you here out of all places since the evacuation. You've kind of been putting off actually going outside though, even though you know very well that you can't make headway on you search until you do.

You've got a nicely tailored suit and you'd hate to see it besmirched by the grimy outdoors. Oh well. Sometimes you just gotta make sacrifices. Especially for something this important.

>Make preparations.


Well you guess its time to blow this pop-stand.

Don't want to be late and get caught with your pants down later, specially when you were so meticulous in planning the evacuation to go this way specifically so you would have this opportunity.

==>


You've sunk too many lives on this venture to back down now.

You've got a crown to find.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Explore outside world.


It seems you can't really do that considering you passed out after running for so long last night.

You seem to have collapsed in a quiet forest.

>Wake up.


You try your hardest to regain cognizance, but you just can't do it.

You're really down for the count!

You seem pretty troubled with whatever it is you are experiencing in you subconscious stupor. What could you be dreaming about?

[Sp00kyrex]

>Dream.


>Manifest arms.


You've already got arms dunderdink!

==>


==>



==>



>Cognize.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Be the Adversary.


You can't be the Adversary! It is too high level a being to simply be!

Honestly, sometimes these ideas of yours just don't make a lot of sense.

>Adversary: Retrieve arms.


Not only did you just make that joke exactly six, count 'em, SIX panels ago, but it was just established LAST PANEL that you cannot be the Adversary!

Besides, it already has four of them anyways.

==>


Huh.

It seems to be pointing to something just above you.

>Caveguy: Look up.


==>


Uh.

You don't know what to make of this.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Be shocked.


You are so shocked you wake up!

==>


Wow that crown looked hot. Y'know because it was on fire. But it didn't really FEEL hot. You guess that must be dream logic at work. It did look a bit burned and beat-up though. Kinda smelled like cooked chicken. Because of the burning though. Not because of the being beat-up. That would be stupid.

==>


No wait it can't smell like chicken because chickens haven't been invented yet. Maybe you can be the one to make the innovation though.

God you're hungry. You haven't eaten since yesterday you think.

>Is that censor edible? Eat the censor.


Here you go bringing up old memories, and all because you're desperate. You had your chance with the censor but you squandered that opportunity. Now look at you. Dying from censorship malnourishment. How sad.

Even without the censor though, you ponder for a few minutes the magical reality that could have been. Ok you better stop now, you're getting drool everywhere and its kinda gross.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Get yourself together man.


Yeah yeah alright, you're done fantasizing.

Hey you think you hear something over the sound of you wiping away excess drool. Though considering your past experiences with mysterious noises, you are pretty wary about the possibility of another grotesque monster shuffling out from behind the bushes.

>Be aggressed upon by grotesque creature.


It's hideous.

==>


Oh come on why. There is everything wrong with how that abomination looks. It just exudes an atmosphere of existential dread due to its own pained existence.

In addition, that thing just looks...

obscene.

Oh no it sees you. You hope it isn't carnivorous. On that note you also wonder if it tastes like future chicken™. Wait why would you want to eat that thing? I mean you were pretty desperate to eat that censor earlier even if it is:

1.)Not something that has or will ever exist(ed) on the physical plane.
2.)Is something that has been dropped in order to appeal to more mature audiences at the cost of the impressionable youth.

But still. This would be a new low for you.

That doesn't really stop you from dreaming though. Though you do try to control your salivation this time in the name of not looking like a tool.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Examine threat level of monster.


You aren't actually sure if the creature before you actually poses a credible threat to your person; probably more so your eyes than anything else.

It seems to be looking around, probably to detect predators. You suppose the fact that it's still here and hasn't run off means that it doesn't really see you as a threat to it. You don't really know what this means for your (as of now) untested self-defense capabilities, but you don't think this is a good sign for you.

>Consider the possibility of taming the bald devil.


You go ahead and posit the possibility of taming the wild animal and harnessing it as a trusty mount. It could carry you for miles on its lanky, slender frame, speeding through the dangers of the wilderness and getting you to places quickly, like some sort of speedy futuristic automaton on wheels (What? Wheels? What could those be? What madness). Or you know. A horse (Not that those exist, come on get with the times).


...


No, the size of the animal is not too small for such a purpose, shut up.

>Consider the alternative.


Yeah, not the most visually appealing of meals, but a possible one at the very least.


And hey.


Maybe it tastes like chicken.


...


You never know.

>Juggle difficult choices.


Your mind struggles to deal with the two conflicting possible realities and risks shutting down again.

Oh why, why can you not have both?!

*sigh*

Unfortunately you are well aware that desiccated skeletons are incapable of complex motion (let alone the stability to carry a person of your —uh— stature) and living beings probably don't take well to their consumption while still being not dead.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Decide.


You think you know what you must do.

>Initiate plan of action.


==>


Step one completed without a hitch.

Now time to begin step two of the taming process.

>Begin step two.


You begin stuffing assorted berries, twigs, and leaves that you found on the ground into the animal's mouth.

This is... this is how you tame a wild animal right?

Yeah you're sure this is what you're supposed to be doing.

==>


Yeah look at that.

The taming process will be done in no-time. You guess you should probably find something to do until the process is complete though.

>Investigate mysterious tree.


Mysterious tree?

What mysterious tree?

...

...

...

oh. right.

>Look closer.


Hrm.

It seems to be some sort of locked hatch lodged deep in the tree. Must be some kind of trunk to store things in. A tree trunk if you will.

No matter. This should pose no issue for you due to your INTENSE LEVELS OF MANGRIT.

>Use immense burly man-strength.


Oh wow this is actually a lot sturdier than you thought it would be.

Yeah this thing isn't cracking.

==>


You wonder how this thing can be locked if there are no visible keyholes on it.

In addition you wonder how this trunk can have a lock if no one has invented locks yet. You begin to worry that you may soon have competition at the nonexistent patent office. Innovation waits for no one you guess.

==>


OH WAIT WOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.

Once again your self-assured genius precedes you, going so far as to begin solving your problems subconsciously.

Really you don't give yourself enough credit. You're great.

[Sp00kyrex]

>Investigate hidden panel.


Hrm.

Yes it is all clear to you now.

It seems that this is locked via divine intervention from higher beings. You come to the perfectly logical conclusion that in order to open the lock you must place your hand on the hand-shaped indentation in order to commune with the gods. They will then open the lock if they deem you worthy. Or smite you on the spot. Oh well, you gotta take chances some times.

Yeah you're pretty sure this is what that is.

>Place hand on religion-based technology.


==>


See?

It unlocked.

Now you know that not only are you a master detective (A sleuth in certain circles) but you have also been hand selected by the god(s) (him/her/it/them/fuckyou)self(s????). You truly are the greatest guy there could ever be.

>Examine contents of treetrunk.


It seems to be a large sack, secured by a length of string.

Tighter security measures for this particular sack are nonexistent. Not even the hand-scanner guarding this bag initially could compare to the tight refuge this strand provides. No sir, this singular string will the be last impediment on your journey to unravel the dark secrets this container holds.

In a word? You have been Trumped.

You see no other option more reasonable than laying down and waiting for death to take you.

It's just the only way.

>Untie string.


You untie the string.

You decide that this powerful tool could have dangerous consequences and far reaching ramifications if it fell into the wrong hands. You better keep it on your person in order to maximize the safety of this artifact against rogue elements.

You don't really know what to do with it though, really. Maybe you'll use it to make a collar for your soon to be tamed animal? Yeah that sounds about right.

>Open the bag already.


Ok yeah you're pretty curious.

All these security measures must mean whatever's in here must be pretty important. And you think you're an important enough guy to warrant seeing it.

==>


==>


==>


You changed your mind.