>ROBOQUEST

[BrobyDDark]

>PARTY MEMBER GET
>chase dem legs

[23toedbasket]

>while you chase dem legs, ask the hooligan about its life, really seem open and honestly interested. [engage social protocol 694208008135: Making genuine friendship connections with those who's friends you've murdered (thank-you ROBOuniversity)]

[luigi]

>PARTY MEMBER GET

Indeed! If you had emotions, you're pretty sure you'd be ECSTATIC about this. But the HOOLIGAN has emotions and he's overwhelmingly upset so who knows.

>Chase dem legs

You command the loyalty of the -- oh sorry, the HOOLIGAN doesn't like calling it that.

You command the POWER OF MUTUAL BENEFICENCE to get the tentacle monster to begin flying after your LEGS. Your LEGS have now committed at least one crime (that being FORK THEFT) and as such you are legally allowed to prescribe to them a BOUNTY.

FIRST BOUNTY ACQUIRED!
TARGET: LEGS
REASON: FORK THEFT, POTENTIAL FOR SPACE PIRACY
REWARD: 0 BEANS & 1 PAIR OF LEGS

>Ask the HOOLIGAN about its life, really seem open and honestly interested.

You attempt to strike up a friendly conversation with the creature. He doesn't like that you just referred to him as such. He also has issues with how you keep calling him a HOOLIGAN, because that's not what he is. You try to deflect his scorn with some jokes but he takes them as more literal insensitive comments. Your SARCASM skills are garbage! Probably because you're a ROBOT, and only have one tone of voice.

You attempt to continue conversing, but between your already tense relationship and the vast language barrier (even despite your UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR, you have a hard time understanding the monster) you begin to feel overwhelmed by vast periods of Awkward Silence.

>Engage social protocol 694208008135: Making genuine friendship connections with those who's friends you've murdered (thank-you ROBOuniversity)

Anyone who thinks it's unrealistic and over complicated to have to choose from over six hundred billion different SOCIAL PROTOCOLS any time you try to interact with someone has clearly never tried to maintain an interpersonal relationship before. You manage to get the SPACE SQUID to open up with some more badgering though.

FINE. I WILL TELL YOU AN ANECDOTE ABOUT THE TIME I MET KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ. I WAS STILL IN MY LARVAL STAGE, AND I HAD FRESHLY EATEN MY WAY OUT OF MY FATHER'S SUCCULENT SPAWNING TENTACLE. I WAS BASKING IN THE MAGNIFICENT FUMES OF HIS FRESHLY MANGLED CORPSE WHEN I SAW A YOUNG TRITOPUS, ALSO LARVAL LIKE MYSELF, SMALLER THAN ME EVEN, CONSUME NOT ONLY HIS FATHER BUT ALSO HIS BROTHER'S FATHER. HIS BROTHER, WHOSE NAME I SHALL NOT SPEAK FOR THE DEAD ARE THE WEAK AND THE WEAK DO NOT DESERVE NAMES, GOT ANGRY AT KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ. HE ATTACKED MY WOULD-BE LOVER, BUT OF COURSE IT WAS NO CONTEST. KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ EASILY BURROWED INTO HIS BROTHER'S STILL SHIMMERING NEWBORN FLESH AND BEGAN PULSATING UNDERNEATH, EXPELLING A THROBBING EJACULATION OF TOXIC MECONIUM DIRECTLY INTO THE BROTHER'S WEAK SPINAL CORD. THE CONCOTION WAS POWERFUL AND PUNGENT ENOUGH TO PARALYZE THE BROTHER. I WAS OF COURSE SMITTEN BY THE BRAZEN DISPLAY OF PURE POWER, AND KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ NOTICED. HE BEQUEATHED THE SLAIN TORSO TO ME, AND I CONSUMED IT IN A SYMBOLIC ACT OF TRUST AND LOYALTY. BUT I SAVED THE CONTENTS OF THE SPINAL CORD, WHICH WERE NOW A HORRIFIC COMBINATION OF SPINAL FLUID, FECES, AND TEARS, AND I ADDED MY OWN PRINCIPAL DEFECATION TO THE MIX. WE SHARED THE DELICIOUS MIXTURE, AND ALL THE TRITOPI WHO WITNESSED OUR MARRIAGE SAY TO THIS DAY IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE THEY HAVE EVER SEEN. THE COLOUR OF OUR COMBINED EXPULSIONS WAS A BEAUTIFUL BRIGHT GREEN, AND ITS TASTE WAS AMONG THE WORST I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. IT WAS PERFECT. HE PROMISED ME THAT HE WOULD HAVE MY CHILDREN; HE WAS GOING TO SWALLOW ME WHOLE, AND SHOULD I HAVE SURVIVED THE CONSTRICTING FORCES OF HIS GUT I WAS TO PLACE MY EGGS WITHIN HIS LUNGS. THEY WOULD HAVE STAYED THERE FOR THE INITIAL FEW SOLAR DAYS WHILE HE SLOWLY SUFFOCATED TO DEATH. OF COURSE THIS IS THE MOST ROMANTIC FATE POSSIBLE - I WOULD BREATHE NEW LIVES INTO HIM AS I TOOK HIS BREATH AWAY FOR GOOD - AND THAT THOUGHT KEPT ME GOING, MY ENTIRE LIFE, EVEN WHEN THINGS WERE TOUGH. AFTER A FEW BILLION YEARS OF WANDERING THE INFINITE EXPANSE WITH HIM, WE FINALLY DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO HAVE KIDS. BUT THEN YOUR SHIP RAN INTO US! WE GOT DISTRACTED FOR A TIME, AND THEN YOU CAME OUT, STARTLING US! THEN YOU *MURDERED MY KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ!!!* AND NOW, BECAUSE OF YOUR FRISKY LEGS, I AM UNABLE TO EXACT REVENGE AS I SHOULD, BECAUSE THERE IS NOW A COMMON THREAT, TO THE TERRITORY I CALL MINE. I WISH TO STOP TALKING NOW. RECOUNTING ALL OF THIS IS REMINDING ME WHY I HATE YOU.

Wow that was awful to listen to! You really wish you didn't ask.

[23toedbasket]

Offer your lungs for impregnation instead

[luigi]

>Offer your lungs for impregnation instead

You don't have lungs, and the TRITOPUS knows you know he knows this. He doesn't accept your offer (obviously; you don't just move on from true love that fast) but he thinks it's commendable that after everything that's happened you're still trying to relate to him on a cultural level. Keep this up and he might not kill you when all this is over!

>Meanwhile...

The LEGS have finally made it to the SHIP. Looks like no one on board has noticed them hovering there yet.

Spoiler

Show

Try prefacing your commands with the name or title of the character you are trying to control. For example, Robot: Do something or Tritopus: Do a Barrel Roll

[BrobyDDark]

>point out captured tritopus

[Generalrabogolfo]

>legs: enter the main deck and start playing the URSS theme

[23toedbasket]

Robot:
>Ask the space squid for his name so you can stop calling him a HOOLIGAN
>(proceed to make a simpler nick name because of its inevitably impossible pronunciation...
>keep on suggesting new ones untill one sticks)

[luigi]

>Point out captured Tritopus.

You point out what appears to be one of the purple guy's friends, strapped to the deck down below. Wow, your mount sure is pissed about this! Something about seeing his people forced into bondage doesn't sit right with him.

>Legs: Enter the main deck and start playing the USSR theme.

You decide it'd be a lot easier to pirate this SHIP if it already belonged to you. You enact OPERATION SHAREFEST, and attempt to convince everyone on board that the SHIP was never an IMPERIAL FRIGATE - it was always, simply, OUR SHIP.

You don't know where the MAIN DECK is, or if that's even where the PA controls are but you do find this regal looking lady on an important looking balcony so you decide to head that way. She pays you no mind as you land beside her. She's probably used to seeing ROBOT WORKERS moving around the SHIP all the time.

>Next.

You go inside the door on the balcony. This is definitely some sort of computer room. WORKER BOTS currently operate most of the machines, but there are a few still turned on that nobody is using. You walk over and boot up the COMMUNIST THEME SONG, hoping its inspiring tones motivate the crew to share their boat with you. All you have to do now is press play.

>[S] Press Play

Robot: >Ask the space squid for his name so you can stop calling him a HOOLIGAN

You ask the big guy for his name, because you're tired of the vague nonspecific nicknames. He tells you that if you had actually been paying attention to KNGHR'QERTSKHNZ's final words (you know, the guy you killed) you would have overheard that the guy you've been riding for the last hour and a bit is named G'KGLAHTULON.

Robot: >Proceed to make a simpler nick name because of its impossible pronunciation.

G'KGLAHTULON continues fighting off these weird guys while you begin thinking up some better names for him.

STICKY?
ARTHY THE RIGHTEOUS?
HANOVER FIST?
GOOLIGAN.
SQUID WONDER.
EASY RIDER.

He's not really listening to you.

Robot: >Keep on suggesting new ones until one sticks.

Okay. While you do that we'll go see what someone else is up to.

You are now the LEGS. You have just been chased out of the computer room by the ANGRY/FANCY LADY. She didn't seem very receptive to your attempts at COMMUNIZING her SHIP. You think you should probably leave before she comes back to the BALCONY and has you turned into scrap.

[Generalrabogolfo]

(okey i need to say this but im kind of honored to be the one who suggested the first [s] of this adventure. is this how the anon who suggested ">John: Play haunting piano refrain" felt?cause if so, i think mine is better. highly so, if i say so myself.)

[Generalrabogolfo]

ANYWAY
>be the blonde woman

[Merlin]

> Legs: Fork G'KGLAHTULON to death!

[BrobyDDark]

>Legs: Fuck this ship. Use FORKTECH CUStom: THE SHIP FUCKER and send this thing crashing!

[luigi]

(okey i need to say this but im kind of honored to be the one who suggested the first [s] of this adventure. is this how the anon who suggested ">John: Play haunting piano refrain" felt?cause if so, i think mine is better. highly so, if i say so myself.)

thank you

it took me all day n my laptop crashed multiple times. 1GB of ram, big stinker. glad you enjoyed and stay tuned for more

[MP the OP OG]

Legs: Relize how much of a big stinky jerk you are

[luigi]

> Legs: Fork G'KGLAHTULON to death!

From your vantage point on the balcony you can hear some robots below calling for reinforcements. This could be your chance to prove yourself to them, earn their loyalty, and use them to take over this SHIP! You begin charging LEVEL 39 FORKTECH: OBLITERATION'S EXTANT.

>Next.

SPACE PIRACY sure is violent! Oh hey the ROBOT you used to be bound to is here as well. What's it doing here?

>Next.

G'KGLAHTULON explodes.

>Legs: Fuck this ship. Use FORKTECH CUStom: THE SHIP FUCKER and send this thing crashing!

That ROBOT is going to be nothing but trouble. If it's here then this SHIP is a lost cause. You decide to make your own FORKTECH to just self-destruct the SHIP.

You are overflowing with power. The FORKTECH... my god, the FORKTECH...

>Next.

Fails. FORKTECH: CUSTOM does not fall within the valid range of FORKTECHS. Please consult your LIST for more information.

Spoiler

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LEVEL 15: MACHINA EX PLACATION (Can calm robots and robot parts)
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LEVEL 24: BALLISTIC ACTUATION (Weak Rocket Propulsion; can't really set fire to anything, but can propel the user through weak/low gravity environments.)
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LEVEL 38: ANIMUS IMMOLATION INCARNATE (Generates the Anti-Life Field; vaporises any organic matter within its radius.)
LEVEL 39: OBLITERATION'S EXTANT (Causes a single target to explode.)
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LEVEL 42: BLUETOOTH CONNECTION (Can connect to the FORK via Bluetooth and use FORKTECHS from a distance.)
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LEVEL 45: ARSONISTIC PRE-DISQUISITION (Weak Fire Spell)
LEVEL 46: ARSONISTIC DISQUISITION (Normal Fire Spell)
LEVEL 47: ARSONISTIC RE-DISQUISITION (Strong Fire Spell)
LEVEL 48: CALAMARI CONTROL (Can assume command of the Purple Hooligans that float through Outer Space.)
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LEVEL 79: HYPER THRUSTERS (Strongest Rocket Spell; can propel the user against even the heaviest of gravitaties. Works as a fire spell on par with LEVEL 45.)
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Legs: Realize how much of a big stinky jerk you are.

You know, that ROBOT seems REALLY pissed off about this! And the other purple guy (the one you didn't kill) is very sad! Maybe it's just the influence of the FORK but you're starting to feel a little empathy about this whole thing. You decide to just fly away for now, to spend some time thinking about your actions.

The ROBOT is taken into the custody of those other robots.

>Be the blonde woman.

You are now the EMPRESS of the ASCENDANCY OF CONDUCT. You are currently guiding your PERSONAL FRIGATE on a bit of a hobby mission, to pick up some valuable scrap floating near a TRITOPUS mating zone. Any reasonable salvage collector or bounty hunter would steer clear from these parts, but you have the robotic might of the entire ASCENDANT LEGION so you figure hey, what could go wrong?

Well apparently a lot can go wrong, if the events of a few seconds ago are anything to go by. You were so self assured that nobody would be foolish enough to brave this zone alone that you let an intruder walk right past you, into your main control room! You are embarassed beyond comprehension that such a simple security mistake occured under your watch. You're glad the only other inhabitants of this ship (besides the TWINS, that is) are robots, or else you'd be seriously considering another mass genocide to save word of this from getting back home to your INNER COURT.

For now though you have to do something about the intruder! What do you do?

[23toedbasket]

Release the robotic hounds! their laser bladed teeth and claws will rend the enemy metal easily as pie.

[luigi]

>Release the robotic hounds! Their laser bladed teeth and claws will rend the enemy metal easily as pie.

You don't use ROBO-HOUNDS anymore. Not since the INCIDENT. That said, you do fantasize about the good old days, back when you were still comfortable using ROBO-HOUNDS. Their laser bladed teeth and claws would rend the strongest metal asunder, easier than consuming pie.

[BrobyDDark]

>Have the robot brought to the brig and tortured. Personally oversee it yourself, even

[23toedbasket]

>robot:reclaim legs and run away!