A young princess stands in her room. Though it was only -scratch that, this isn't that sort of comic. While there may be damsels locked in towers, there are no video games to be had here, much less ones on so grand of a scale.
But nevertheless, we will borrow some common conventions.
Now what, pray tell, is this princess's name?
>Enter name.
As per convention, you enter a predictably insulting moniker.
But you already knew that. It's not like it was funny or anything.
It beggars belief at this point.
>Try again.
Her name is IONIA.
>Examine room.
As previously established, your name is IONIA.
You have been TRAPPED in this room for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, or at least as long as you can REMEMBER. You have several INTERESTS, most notably BARBIE and BARBIE PARAPHERNALIA. Some people say it's for BABIES, but you don't mind that much.
Speaking of MINDS, you have been described as having an UNUSUALLY CHILDLIKE CAST OF MIND by those around you, which is NOT ENTIRELY DISHONEST.
Your other chief INTEREST is the DREAM JOURNAL on your bedside table. It was given to you as a GIFT by your uncle, the HIGH WIZARD. You LOVE IT, although the WIZ seems to think it's more important than just a piece of paper.
What will you do?
