Dusty Paths

[griska]

>Use broom of doom to erase your crack addiction

[Punchlion]

>Use the broom to make a hole in your face

That's... going to be very...unppleasantFUCK IT DADDY NEEDS SOME CRACK

You scramble into the trailer and grab the axe, no way you're not killing yourself with the whole broom... and then you'll never know (what you assume to be) the sweet sweet taste of true bliss

HYIAH

-->

It's hard to describe the feeling of rendering your innards to nonexistence, but if it makes it easier you don't have any organs. You're just one solid uniform substance through and through.

Now the sensation of your need for crack drowns out everything, it's bleaching your very soul like the desert sun bakes flesh from bone. But this act of self mutilation rings through it with a nuclear blast of pure shame. How low have you sunk. It really, REALLY didn't have to be this way. It all happened so fast!

POP

You now have, lungs and a mouth... but at what cost, I mean, is this even going to work?

>Consume CRACK

IIIIiiiiiiit WWWOOOOOOooooRKKKSKSSSSKSKSKSSSSSS

AAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

> square up the giant moth to prove your manliness

Okay yeah fine, those things on your face are definitely eyes. And your eyes are so clouded with the shroud of how FUCKing HIGH you ARE. RIGHT NOW. That you're totally hallucinating giant moths! what a wild fantasy world your crack encrusted brain has thrust you into!

I guess that's what happens when you smoke ALL your crack. LIKE A REAL MAN.

>Use broom of doom to erase your crack addiction

You come up with some funny ideas when you're high. You throw the lighter off the edge, and crack your pipe. Clearly that's nowhere near enough, because you'll obviously return to the white mistress if you keep your arms. So you use the Broom of Doom to erase them completely.

problem solved

Soon, the hurting begins to set in...
and soon after that, it becomes unbearable
who knows how long it took to really feel the pain, but you don't even wanna KNOW how BAD the ACHE that QUAKES through your WHOLE BEING is right now.

Well, on the bright side. At least you can scream.
gotta be grateful for the little things.

[luigi]

>Moth: Give this guy some gentle advice that maybe he should consider rehab

[23toedbasket]

>you didnt throw away the lighter you just forgot where you put it

[vipershlong]

> try and find comfort from the doll in the wegen

[Punchlion]

>Moth: Give this guy some gentle advice that maybe he should consider rehab

alright alright ALRIGHT, QUIT'CHER BITCHEN BOY! I can't enjoy mah STOGIE wit'chur HOLLERIN!
WAAAAH look at MEEE I did awll ma Crack an' now Ahm a-hurtinnn. You think YERR hurtin?? Ah've got QUITE the TRAGIC AND BRU-TAL PAST MESELF, so can you just SHUT YER LIL BITCH MOUTH n' SUCK IT UP like ah REAL MAN fore I RE-HA-BILLY-TATE 'CHA WITH tha HAWT end o' THIS(just like mama used ta do).

oh GOD NO! the cravings have gotten so bad THE HORRIBLE MOTH HALLUCINATIONS ARE BACK, Go away!! GO AWAY!! GIANT MOTHS AREN'T REAL. THEY'RE NOT!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

> try and find comfort from the doll in the wegen

OH, oh my GOD, it wasn't some giant phantasmal moth it was just this doll! it is such a relief you finally can take a deep deep breath, free from crack smoke for the first time ever.

THAT'S RIGHT you just SIT THERE WIT'CHER BABY DAWL, you LIKE playing with DAWLS DONTCHA ye FAIRY! HAHAHA he's a FRUIT AIN'T HE MAMA? oh, wait mama ain't here, haha weird why would ah say that, t's pretty random. DUDn'T CHANGE THE FACT UR A FUDGE PACKIN SLACKING BUGOUT CRACKHEAD JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA

The dolls wise words are so lofty and rich with wisdom they are incomprehensible to your vulgar, profane consciousness.
You scratch yourself in amazed confusion. Holding your loving virus in... YOUR ARMS! wow what ELSE did you hallucinate???

>you didnt throw away the lighter you just forgot where you put it

Ye know... mama did all these thangs to me... an now ah'm accin' just like her. You prolly aint even a hom-ey-o-sexual but MAMA always, always used that to keep me under her cun'trol... whaa am aah so dam afraid o' bein one? seems, a little ex-sessive... maybe becuz, ah AM a hom-ey-o-sexual.

You're totally right one eyed doll of comfort, it is a beautiful day, and you don't need crack to live a happy life. Thank you so much for your truly profound, and compassionate words.
Plus! you just remember that if the hurtin' gets TOO BAD, there's dynamite in the trailer and the lighter is definitely still around here SOMEWHERE.

[luigi]

>Push the BBK off the mountain to see what happens

[23toedbasket]

>learn the dangers of hyperventilation

[classpectanon]

>die

[Punchlion]

>Push the BBK off the mountain to see what happens

The Doll tells you to push that pesky BBK off this cliff, to see what happens.

What happens? well, you see, gravity makes it fall. The large plateau makes the fall very drawn out and boring, and Mucky Patches' Face breaks up the monotony by serving as a...

MUCKY PATCHES' FACE!!??!??!?!??

>learn the dangers of hyperventilation

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

Are you hallucinating this?? what is real anymore?? why oh WHY did you smoke that crack???
your mind is reeling faster than it was under the influence, this is a SERIOUS turn of events.

You know, these new LUNGS were prettyyy comforting when you took that deep breath before... so naturally that can only mean if you breathe really deeply, really fast, again and again, indefinitely, then you'll REALLY feel at ease!

>die

Womp womp.

You lie at the bottom of the Hoodoo dead as a meme from the early 2000s. Turns out, you really did lose your arms and your lighter. What was real in the last few pages? I guess we will never be able to joke around about it because you're dead Dusty. Oh, and there isn't an afterlife so really take time to think about what you did, oh wait.

-->

Your name is Dirty Paths! You are on a quest to save your son who has been KIDNAPPED by your dastardly father... Mucky Patches... but we don't talk about HIM!

Anyway so Mucky has totally framed you for stealing some doo-hicky called uhh, "the Swiffer of Peril." Whatever it was, the heat is seriously on, powerful people are looking for you, but you feel safe behind your trusty mustache disguise.

This field is full of lovely distractions, but you're on a quest! then againnn you're son is definitely invariably fine for now, and you sacrificed a whole ball for that son of a bitch so he owes you some fun.

What would you like to do?

So, Dusty Roads (now Dirty Paths, and formerly known as Uhhhh) was originally intended and continues to be something I can get drunk and do after work... but looking at the last update I must've overdone it because it was GARBAGE. So anyway I edited it hope that you notice the difference because I really beat myself up over it

[luigi]

>Use the magic mirror to teleport to the Dark World

[23toedbasket]

>drive the rest of the way

[Punchlion]

>Use the magic mirror to teleport to the Dark World

Now, its not that you have any doubts about your brilliant mustache disguise. You've just always felt more at home in a place that is the polar opposite to positivity. Good thing you 'found' this mirror here HA ha HA.

>drive the rest of the way

Hmmm, nope, can't do that.
See this here, is Bessy. My best gal. Now, she's been giving me the cold shoulder lately cuz I lost her key, and she's out of fuel, but once I find those things ol' Bess will be right there waiting. Bessy's what you might like to call a Time Car. She exists in TimeSpace so, y'know. Parking is pretty nifty if a little hard to explain.

Huh, what's that sound? it almost sounds like your Conscious Conscience Conch Nessy but that can't be it, I ALWAYS remember to keep that thing close by.

*pat pat*

[griska]

>Accost the person with a bag on their head for information on where your keys are.

[Punchlion]

>Accost the person with a bag on their head for information on where your keys are.

You would never do anything so unsavory as to accost your good friend Hobo Joe for information. Heck, Hobo Joe is the one that gave you his trailer! at great personal cost... what a swell guy.
On the other hand, you still need information.
You decide to try and appeal to Hobo Joe's generous nature by using your subtle diplomatic arts to communicate how badly you need your keys, you know to save your son and stuff.
The selfish shortsighted bastard wont give up the goods. He keeps bringing up old shit. Seriously, Hobo Joe is sociopath or something.

Gosh that really REALLY sounds EXACTLY like Nessy, it's almost enough to make you turn around and check but you're not one to doubt yourself and you, without a doubt, definitely have kept your Conscious Conscience Conch close by (like always)

[mightyhydrator]

>Ey, stop accosting the poor fella and ask for advice from the magic conch shell.

[23toedbasket]

>Dirty: time-use theTimecar to time-save your space-son

[Punchlion]

>Ey, stop accosting the poor fella and ask for advice from the magic conch shell.

Accost? I don't know what you mean. Oh, wait, THAT? HA ha HA noo, that was just an inside joke between Joe and I from when he helped me with a social experiment.

Sure I'll ask Nessy for advice, couldn't be easier since it's been right here the whole time. What do you think Ness?

Oh, HA ha HA, no you don't understand it's just a prank bro! all's good here Hobo Joe and I are tighter than ever isn't that right Joey?

nono, YOU're the great dude Hobo Joe!
I Hope you fly too buddy!

>Dirty: time-use theTimecar to time-save your space-son

Hey look! it's presumably future me! well isn't that convenient, now we have more time to screw around! let that guy save Dusty you and I are gonna have some FUN!

I KNOW right?? I can't believe my luck either Nessy HA ha HA.

[mightyhydrator]

>Start an encounter about the weather with Sr Bird.

[23toedbasket]

>Dirty Paths of the future: save your son!