Dungeon Crawl Game (FREE TO PLAY)

[23toedbasket]

>Lab assistant: try Password

[luigi]

>Lab assistant: try Password

Looks like that was the correct password. You are greeted with the home screen of this laptop. Oh look a game!

->

You click on the game to see what it is.

>DUNGEON CRAWLER (FREE TO PLAY)

What's this? Is that supposed to be you? What's going on here?

Looks like you have 100 Points to spend on building your character, choosing from the items listed on the screen. No descriptions are given for any of them, and the prices seem kind of random.

[23toedbasket]

>click randomize

[luigi]

>Click Randomize.

You sit in front of the computer for what feels like months, struggling to make a decision. Curse your indecisiveness! Eventually, you decide to just click randomize.

It makes the decision of Kick Boot and Boomerang for you. This should be easy...

>Start.

You are an aspiring Lab Assistant playing a video game about a Dungeon Crawler. You have spawned outside of the game's first dungeon, labelled 'Temple of Treasure'. There is no tutorial but you assume based on the title of the game your goal is to crawl through some dungeons.

What do you do?

[classpectanon]

train the pig

[luigi]

>Train the pig.

...

->

You have just found something beautiful...

->

And he doesn't even know it yet.

->

The bond you share with this pig is beautiful. It is something transcending love - it is truth. Together, you hone body and mind. You climb Mount Friendship, you lift Palweights, you put it all on the line in an effort to attain the ultimate treasure - a relatively fit adventuring pig.

You gain a party member! The Pig is now Level 1.

>Enter the dungeon.

You cross the threshold and enter the dungeon. You can feel the judgement pouring off the attendants of the help desk - they could never understand the bond you share with your pig. Luckily your pig has high self-esteem, so the glares don't get to him as much. In fact, he says you're imagining things and that the attendants seem pretty friendly.

Oh piggy. Oh poor, sweet, innocent, naïve piggy.

->

CHECKPOINT!

You are a Dungeon Crawler and Pig Tamer, and you have just tamed the shit out of this pig. Your goal now is to crawl the shit out of this dungeon. What do you do?

>Lab Assistant: Fondly regard companion.

It took you 67 hours to tame the pig and train it up to Level 1. Your heart swells with adoration for the fictional companion.

The ghost butlers of LEVEL 3 have been feeding you rice krispie squares, but the excess of sugary fake marshmallow stuff is starting to make your stomach burn.

>The computer's clock is stuck.

Weird.

[quicksaveisF5]

New Game + Guy: Shoot yourself in the foot then cry to gain their pity.

NG+Guy: Then, when they're close and their guard is down, steal their spears and kill them at close range.

[luigi]

>New Game + Guy: Shoot yourself in the foot then cry to gain their pity.

That was a terrible idea. You're in shock for a few seconds, so you don't feel the pain at first...

>New Game + Guy: When they're close and their guard is down, steal their spears and kill them at close range.

While the original idea was to cry for pity, you're crying now because you just shot yourself in the foot - literally - and it hurts like... well, it hurts as much as it would when you use a gun to blow off your own foot.

One of the guards tries to help you, so you take the opportunity to go for his weapon. Predictably, you fail.

->

They throw you in the dungeon's dungeon to await your trial. The charge is attempted theft of a guards weapon. They made no effort to heal your foot after you disrespected their first help attempt, so it continues to bleed.

[BrobyDDark]

>kill rat with book and use body to lure guards

[quicksaveisF5]

Eat the cheese!

[luigi]

>Kill rat with book.

You drag yourself over to the book and squish the rat.

>Use body to lure guards.

You toss the body into the hallway in an attempt to lure the guards. You notice that your cell doesn't have bars. This means you can escape easily!

>Eat the cheese.

You eat the cheese. Turns out it was a CHECKPOINT!

You are a Prisoner. You have just eaten a bad piece of cheese and killed a rat. You have lured some guards toward your cell. What will you do?

[BrobyDDark]

Whistle to the fuzzy creature

[1011686]

>Lab Assistant: Consider similarities between the game and the recent past of your life, suffer existential crisis, but continue playing anyway.

[luigi]

>Whistle to the fuzzy creature.

You blow air through your puckered lips in an attempt to befriend the monster.

->

You have made a terrible mistake.

Try Again?

>Yes

You are a Prisoner. You have just eaten a bad piece of cheese and killed a rat. You have lured some guards toward your cell. What will you do?

>Pee your pants.

God your life sucks.

>Successful DC: Follow the guard into the secret room.

You do that.

->

Inside, you find the secret break room. The guard is on the phone, and you can overhear him calling his mother. He's asking her to pick him up early, says he's scared of this crazy guy that came in with a gun and then time travelled in from the future to be his own human shield.

He notices you, says "Nevermind mom -- don't come," and hangs up.

"Do whatever you want to me, but leave my family out of this."

>Lab Assistant: Consider similarities between the game and the recent past of your life.

Now that you mention it, this game is eerily similar to your own life experiences. There are some notable differences, like the starting equipment being a boomerang and boot instead of bullet and gun, there's the training of the pig that you never did... but everything else is the same, even down to the fact that you have no memories from before you popped into existence outside the Temple of Treasure.

Wait what?

>Lab Assistant: Suffer existential crisis.

Holy shit you didn't even exist before yesterday? What is happening here? Are you in a game too??

>Lab Assistant: Peer through the fourth wall.

->

Well this is awkward.

>Lab Assistant: Continue playing anyway.

You decide the only way to settle this feeling of existential unease is to drown the reward centers of your brain in some video game achievements.

->

What do you do?

[BrobyDDark]

>put boomering in your pants

[1011686]

>Successful DC: Tell the guard youll let him live, if he unlocks all the puzzles and gives you all the treasure in the dungeon
>Prisoner: Tear off a strip of clothing to staunch your wound.

[Scrungo]

>Successful DC: First, grab the key on the desk, and bolt out of the room. Second, undo the puzzle the guard solved, to (hopefully) close the secret door, trapping him inside!

>Prisoner DC: Start speaking in tongues to try to intimidate the guard/Kuriboh monster.

>Lab Assistant DC: Have the pig walk ahead of you (in case of traps), and check out the statue at the end of the hall.