None Pizza With Left Beef

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 1:07am ] on [ 2/8/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: None Pizza With Left Beef

New mirror of everything before this part of the story
(forum mirror located here!)


The story thus far:

Chapter 1--
In game form

Thoren Emit, a both dead and married heir of time from the sbargv2 session, was called upon for a mission to save the homestuck epilogues. Using the Eros Machina, a tacky-ass RV with the an engine from Big Rigs: over the road racing, they were able to grimnd [ sic ] their way to a new timeline via the black hole where the Green Sun once was.
This lead them to Earth C, on the day that its destiny would be decided forever. Through a convoluted amount of time and retcon bullshit, Thoren assisted June Egbert in finding herself, and also in helping her order a pizza for her past self to choose instead of meat or candy.
Meanwhile, Rose was cured of her migraines, thanks to the narrowing of possibilities brought upon by this new timeline, and Dirk found a reason to live for one more day.
After this, Thoren and June returned to the Eros Machina to take a break. It was then that Thoren was summoned back home by their wife, as many months had passed in their home universe, compared to the one very long day in Universe C. Thoren invited June to their universe and they proceeded to spend the entire winter preparing for christmas present redistribution day.

Wintermission --

A series of events with deep lore and slice-of-life antics proceeded to unfold, until the first day of winter actually occurred.
At that point, June Egbert was called upon by a mysterious note that could not be read by the illustrator, to complete a chain of missions that would culminate in a massive retcon that would save a single elf child from being trapped in a hyperbolic time chamber, but at the price of forcing a page of void to be convinced to become the dungeon crashers's newest greatest enemy.
However, June had been yeeted temporarily outside of canon by this and had to get booted back in. After a little bit of legwork, she returned to her expected point in time, which brings us to where the story is at now.

_______________________________________

> Be Thoren.



You are Thoren Emit, and you are piloting a sleigh with June Egbert. You two have quite the route ahead of you.
___

> Thoren: Do teh route



Your route takes you and June all around the world. How does this work all in one night? Do you use your time powers? Is is holiday magic?
Honestly who knows.
___

==>



Eventually you land back in Charcherry Square. June has long since fallen asleep. That's fine though, you can handle this route yourself.
At this point, you only have your friends to deliver presents to.
___

> Thoren: go to Warp Zone

Welcome to the Warp Zone!
Where will you visit first?

[ Submit commands below! ]

[eidolonYaldabaoth]

Invoke the powers of the snail and slide to the lightning bolt.

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 12:55am ] on [ 2/9/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx2: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Thoren: vizit the baby



The baby? What baby? You are sure you are the only baby around here.
...Wait, that can't be right. You're the exact opposite of a baby... right?
___

> Thoren: deliver a gift for your wife first, if not already done. Or text her.



You delivered the gift you got Raine before you even left the house today.
Also, she's asleep at this hour. There is no way you're risking waking her up from her beauty sleep, even if it is out of concern.
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> Thoren: Oh my, oh my, who is this fine snail here?



That appears to be a holographic image of a snail, used to label this currently unavailable location. Apparently the 3d model library that was used for these holograms did not include a slug, which is what was apparently supported to be depicted here.
Regardless, you have no deliveries to this blocked location.
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> Thoren: Invoke the powers of the snail and slide to the lightning bolt.



You decide to go to the pad with the lightning bolt symbol above it. Have you ever been to that location?
____

> Thoren: Enter.



...
...Yeah, you don't have any gifts to deliver here.
____

==>



You return to the warp zone.
____

> Thoren: Lick the floor



"What the... Why should I lick the floor? What is the meaning of this inane command?"

Oh uh that? I found a new channel to request commands from, and it looks like it's working.

"Tell whoever gave that command that I refuse to lick the floor. I have Santa duties to attend to."
____

==>



Well, you (the reader) heard it first. Thoren doesn't want to pick the floor, even if the only thing it would do is tell them the molecular structure of the dirt on the tiles down there.

"It's a matter of dignity!!"

Might wanna keep it down. Everyone else over there can only hear your side of the conversation.
____

==>



"Says the one who almost made me lick the floor..."

You enter the living room. The tree is just up ahead.
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> Thoren: deliver payload



You successfully drop off a bunch of presents!
It's really convenient that so many of the dungeon crashers practically live here at the Desertia Robotics Lab.
____

==>



With that done, you make your way back towards the transportalizer pad.

____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7945/thread (mirror!)

[ Submit commands below! ]

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 12:33am ] on [ 2/10/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx3: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Thoren: Don't forget to do a "Silly Santa Dance" before you go!



"a silly santa dance? is this your idea of a joke?"

...maybe. :3

"...If it were not for the laws of this land and this mechanical prison's firmware..."
____
> Thoren: the birds are coming



"Birds, BIRDS?! What kind of hitchcockian bullshit are you talking about?! There's someone awake that shouldn't be and you're going on about BIRDS?!"

Yeah, I don't get this one either.
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> Thoren: React to mysterious person!



In your frenzy, you manage to throw a GLITTER BOMB!
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==>



It's so sparkly!
____
==>



And with that, Thoren has successfully absconded from the area!
There is a mess of glitter left behind.
____
==>



You are Thoren once again and you have successfully eluded an unexpected encounter.
Despite having no need to breathe, you let out a sigh of relief.
____
==>



Before any external commands are sent in, you decide to go to Autumnal.
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> Thoren: Arrive in Autumnal



You are now on Planet Autumnal. You have family and friends here.
____
==>



You let yourself in the house.
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> Thoren: Locate Tree



You make your way towards the tree.
This cabin is pretty big...
____
==>



There it is.
____
> Thoren: Drop off presents



You leave a present for Brae, Rise, Coleman, and Cirrus the chicken.
____
==>



And with that, your business over here is done.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/thread/360/ ... ollTo=7946 (mirror!)

[ Submit commands below! ]

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 9:10pm ] on [ 2/11/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx4: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Thoren: kill the couch



First of all, the couch is a nonliving object, it can't be killed in the first place.
Secondly, Autumnal has a magical ward placed upon it's grounds to prevent such acts of violence.
Thirdly, it goes against your soulbot's firmware programming.
Lastly, you have no desire to destroy a piece of your sister's furniture in the first place.
____
> Thoren: Admire the FANCY SANTA STATUE



That is a rather nice fancysanta.
Sadly, it reminds you of the late Flyson Orboy, an elf you brutally murdered in cold blood when you were still alive. He didn't deserve what you did to him, and nothing can change what had happened all those years ago.

You think it may be best not to ruminate too much on the past too much.
____

> THE BIRDS ARE COMING THE BIRDS ARE COMING.



"SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THESE FUCKING BIRDS!!!!"
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==>



You decide to leave Autumnal before you wake anyone up over there.
____

> Thoren: Enter passageway



You enter the passageway and arrive in the treasure storage room. This all belongs to a group of STOMB players known collectively as "The Royal Band", though it is rumored that they stole most of their riches. This cannot be confirmed however.
You have no need for any of these worldly riches, especially in an essentially post-scarcity society.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7948/thread (Mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 6:42pm ] on [ 2/13/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx5: None Pizza With Left Beef

> THE BIRDS. THEY ARE HERE. YOU HAVE NOT LISTENED TO ME.



And you will continue to not listen to that. There are no birds here.

____

> RUN AS FAST AS YOU POSBBLIY CAN. THEY ARE COMI G.



This is quite the impressive treasure hoard, you must admit.

____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7949/thread (mirror)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 11:54pm ] on [ 2/13/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx6: None Pizza With Left Beef

> The bird come. the birds are here. they are actually.
HERE.



Okay, who in the heck is sending these...

____

> YOUHAVENOIDEAWHATYOUHAVEDONE.



An ANXIOUS EGGHEAD quivers at their terminal, impending doom seemingly just beyond sight.

If only that festive figure on the screen would just listen to you...
____
> AE: witness the birdening.



It's too late for you now.

____
> Be Thoren


You are now Thoren again. You thought you just heard a cry for help, but perhaps its just the remnant of a flashback or something.
Regardless, your job is done here.

[ Submit commands, bird related commands are now unavailable. ]
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7950/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 1:22am ] on [ 2/14/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx9: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Thoren: Realize there's no tree here - decorate the green statue of the lady in tinsel.



You're not particularly surprised at the lack of a tree here. The temporics who call this place home never had any notable winter holidays in the past. Heck, they consider Winter to be a euphemism for death itself!

Regardless, you might as well spread some holiday cheer.
This statue is successfully decorated.
____
==>



You also throw in some garland for good measure.
____
> Thoren: fondly regard gilded firearm.



You gaze upon the golden gun that's laying there. Who just leaves their firearms on the ground like that?
It certainly is a fine looking gun, though perhaps a little garish for your tastes in weaponry.

[ Submit commands here! ]
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7953/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 2:33am ] on [ 2/15/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx11: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Lay upon the hoard. It is comfy.



What do you think you are, some kinda dragon? Or a rich weirdo? Besides, coinage is one of the most unsanitary commonly contacted surfaces out there! You may not be affected by germs, but you certainly don't want to be a carrier of them!
____
> Taste a crystal.



Your inner geologist is calling. The crystals look so delicious, so colorful, so vibrant... You decide there's no harm in taking a lick.
____
==>


(https://www.smorf.nl/draw.php this was the tool used to generate the rotating crystal)
You don't taste very much, maybe some salt and dust.
As far as your high-tech sensors can tell, this contains quartz, gypsum, perhaps some fine silca? Fairly typical, as far as giant crystals go.

Your curiosity is satisfied.

____
> PICK UP THE WEAPON PICK IT UP DEFEND YOURSELF METAL STATUE LADY



...lady? You wouldn't necessarily call yourself a lady, but neither would you call yourself a man either. Maybe you're just not used to the former and tired of the latter? It's hard to tell.
Being bigender is hard to explain sometimes.
____
> GRIP THE GOLDEN GLICKY



You consider this, but it's not your gun to hold. You're already as deadly as you need to be, even without a gun in your hands. You wouldn't be surprised if you had a built in finger-gun function.
You will refrain from acting out any of this. The fact that you are a killing machine is what got you into this mess in the first place
____
> THE BIRDS I WARNED YOUASKLFRUJHAfiogphl;i



...oh no.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7956/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 1:09pm ] on [ 2/16/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx15: None Pizza With Left Beef

> birds: you're MEAN >:(



You are now the birds.
Anything for the high quality bird feed.

____

> Adjust camera to view nearby controls, avoiding the source of the TEMPORALLY AMBIGUOUS RED SPLATTER.



I go ahead and do that, in the slight sliver of hope that its actually ketchup.
You (the birds) hop about on the funney keyboard.

____

> Birds: collect your egg. also be grossed out about egghead



You are a bit busy, so you let your handler, the biggest bird in the house, handle the handling.

____

> CAW CAW CAW.



With your mission complete and your desire for tomfoolery fulfilled, you make your way back to the pad leading back to Charcherry, where your sleigh is parked.
You plan on taking a long nap after this.

____

> Ace Starling: Coldly regard SBIRB disks



You are now Ace Starling, heir of blood.
You once played a game with three of your friends that essentially ended the world as you knew it. The only thing that remains is this city, which you have been put in charge of.
The game you played gave you a role and responsibility in exchange for godhood, but at what cost?

If only this didn't have to happen...

____

https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7961/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 3:15am ] on [ 2/17/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx17: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Anxious Egghead: Are you okay? :(



You are... wait, where are you??

____

==>



This isn't the station! Who the hell is that?!
But most importantly...
WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR EGG?!

____

> Strange Feral Green and White Crane: Eat the egg



You are now this crane. Your name is Flock Ornis and you are a First Guardian. You're not quite sure why you're here, but you see a large egg that you want to eat.

____

==>



You lunge forward in an attempt to snare your prey from this pesky pelican!

[commands open!]

https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7964/thread (mirror!)

[eidolonYaldabaoth]

Flock: Assert your dominance. Wriggle like an eel and puke on the pelican.

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 1:28am ] on [ 2/18/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx23: None Pizza With Left Beef

> PUNCH THE BIRD



You slam your fist into the attacking bird, with a secret weapon: an ordinary rock from Earth C! Despite trying to flail and teleport or whatever, your jabs are faster than this crane can react.
____
> First Guardian: Experience a sudden and unexpected loss of your powers, as the Green Sun collapses into a Black Hole.



Okay, what the heck, what is this pelican chump doing? IS THIS EVEN LEGAL?! You're a First Guardian for frog's sake! You should be able to handle situations like this!

You have been stunned and neutralized!
____
==>



...Great.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7971/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavendersiren posted at [ 2:42am ] on [ 2/20/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx25: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Black Pelican: Deliver your evil monologue



You are now the black pelican.
You've never really been one much for monologues, even evil ones.
You're a bird of few words, as it were.

However, there is a certain someone that you should probably contact about this. Someone who is known for their evil monologues...

...your boss who sent you on this special mission.
Maybe he might give you a raise after he finds out you captured a first guardian?
____

> [P] BP: Contact your boss



Sadly, this is not a scene that can easily be rendered.
(Note! [P] means puzzle!)
____

> Ornis: Begin Jailbreak Adventure



You are now Flock Ornis, and you are just 100 percent done with this.
There are a number of crows mocking you right outside of your jail cell. It's likely your powers will not return until after you escape from this cage.

What will you do?
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7973/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 12:31am ] on [ 2/21/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx27: None Pizza With Left Beef

> F.O: Assess your wounds.



You're not particularly injured, aside from your pride.
Your feathers smell nasty from those ketchup stains though.
____

> F.O: Try to press the "==>" button



Very fortunately, your beak is able to reach the ==> key!
____

> CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW.



"...hm?"
____

> Jehr ma



"...jerma?"
____

> po uqu igtwn betdxtaep! Hanp ig!!



"Your input is scrambled."
____

> CAW



"I have had enough birds for today. I need to recharge."
____

> Rlacsa, aoq jarg tk uarg ma!



"Bother someone with more battery power. Goodnight."
____

> CAWCACJ!



...Well, that didn't work out so well.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7975/thread (Mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 3:01am ] on [ 2/22/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx31: None Pizza With Left Beef

> FO: Try to change monitor



You manage to change the monitor and you wind up focusing on...
THERE IT IS! THE EGG!
THAT DELICIOUSLY ELUSIVE EGG!

What is that meanie planning on doing with that thing?

____

> FO: Go beyond the limits of your physical body, and EVOLVE into a form beyond!



You attempt to tap into the power of evolution!

____

==>



...yeah no this is doing absolutely jack shit.
____

==>



....AND THAT THIEF IS GETTING AWAY!!

____

> IEP DAYM HATE PJIO KNOVAJV!



There goes that egg you wanted...
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7979/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 12:00am ] on [ 2/24/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx33: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Bird: LOSE YOUR SHIT



You are losing your shit like you lost everything at the shit casino.
Needless to say, you are absolutely losing your shit right now.
____

==>



And with that, you're gone?!
____

==>



You have been appearifyed somewhere else!

____



And as a neat bonus, your connection to the Green Sun has been re-established!
____

> FO: Abscond outta here



You've had enough shenanigans for now.
____

> Be agent 215



You are now voidco agent number 215.
You have managed to sendificate yourself and this egg to the Eros Machina in the past.
____

> VA 215: Brace yourself



You hunker down and hold on as the vehicle begins moving.
____

==>



This shouldn't be too long of a trip.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7981/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 1:35pm ] on [ 2/24/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx36: None Pizza With Left Beef

> Be the backup.



You are now the backup and of course the first guardian isn't there.
Typical.
____
> Agent 215: stash egg



You captchalogue the egg in your BLACKOUT MODUS. It blacks out the display of all items, making it somewhat difficult to navigate for most.
Fortunately, you memorize your sylladex's contents pretty well.
____
> Backup: Send a message



You decide to give your partner a dose of the horror you may have to face.
____
> Employee 215: Realize you left the first guardian, unattended, before backup showed up. If they somehow escaped, you can kiss your employee benefits, such as a physical body, goodbye.



The primary objective is to deliver the egg. Anything else is secondary.
If someone tries to grill you for taking off before more chaos could rear its ugly head, you've got ways to get past that.
____
==>



This is a mission straight from number 1, after all.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7984/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 12:11am ] on [ 2/27/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx38: None Pizza With Left Beef

> 215: LOOK IN THE CASKET ??



While waiting for the perfect time to make your move, you decide to check that coffin over there.
____
> 512: Hide in the coffin



Inside you find... #512?!
____
> [P] 215: speak with 512



Unfortunately, this happened while the Eros Machina was performing SICK GRIMNDS on a blapk hole, so this may not be possible to view here.
____
https://letssosl.boards.net/post/7987/thread (mirror!)

[lavendersiren]

lavenderSiren posted at [ 4:35pm ] on [ 10/23/23 ], from [ Unity Village, Starter Planet ]
TOPIC: REx39: None Pizza With Left Beef

[ S ] Eros Machina: Descend



Song used:
Dawn of Man from Mobius Trip and Hadron Kaleido
Special thanks to ifelse95 and Cilpaint for contributing some drawings

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December 25th, 2020


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==>


------
==>



"CHRISTMAS!"

Spoiler

Show

LS: goog morninging
RN: Hey Nick
FU: Good morning! Merry Christmas!
LS: merry croissant
LS: whAT THE HECKWAS THAT
FU: ...Charles.
LS: ah yes...
LS: Charles...

https://letssosl.boards.net/post/8242/thread