Dungeon Crawl Game (FREE TO PLAY)

[tentativeTumbleweed]

Put the weapon away and just go and talk up the guards (from a stab-safe distance), what's their names, their stories, what are they guarding there anyway?

[Merlin]

> throw carpet over one guard, shoot the other guard in his dumb guard head weekspot while running up to the carpeted guard and beat his confused blind ass with your gun till he's dead.

[Merlin]

*Provided last prompt works*
> steal all the treasure, escape the dungeon, go to the city, find red light district, blow all the treasure on hookers and cocaine, live happily ever after.

[luigi]

>Go Outside.

You go outside.

>Grab Book.

You grab the Book of Riddles.

>Carpet a guard.

You throw the carpet on top of the guard. He's all tangled up! The other guy is too surprised to move. He didn't think you would actually try something violent.

>Shoot said guard.

You shoot the guard wrapped up in carpet while the other one readys his weapon.

You gain a level! You are now at level 2. Your boon is a pair of RAD SHADES that grant you +1% bonus success on any action you take so long as RULE OF COOL is in effect.

>Throw book at other guard.

You toss the heavy book at the other guy, breaking one of his horns and stopping him in his tracks. Now's your chance to do something meaningful!

>STEAL the other guard's weapon and stab him back.

To stab someone back would imply someone has already stabbed you, which they haven't. Which is to say you're just going to stab them pre-emptively instead. You attempt to grab the other guard's weapon but it's all tangled up in carpet!

->

Wow you suck at this.

Try Again?

>Yes

You are a Dungeon Crawler, and you have just crawled the shit out of this dungeon. All that stands between you and the Treasure now are these dudes in tacky armour. What do you do?

>Oh shit I made progress!!!

No you didn't, you just started!

>Do the same thing as last time, but instead of shooting the other guard, do a sick ass slo-mo backflip over the guard after you've hit him with the book, and make your escape from there.

Okay, you do all that bullshit with getting the book and throwing the carpet again, but this time you do a backflip before the guy can stab you. You try and fail to make it slo-mo. Slo-mo just aint yo show, bro. Also your backflip sucks and you accidentally kick the guard in the face, knocking him out cold. You gain 19 Experience Points, 1 away from a level up.

->

You enter the treasure room, only to find some giant... thing. It's some gizmos with levers and a big platform. Looks like all the settings for it are some sort of default, except for the control panel in front of you which has three options, and a prompt on a small screen telling you to CHOOSE ONE:

>MITOSE
>MIDAS
>MY DOSE

>Mitose.

You hit MITOSE and then hop up on the platform so you can reach the START button.

->

You are hit with a powerful laser beam that causes you to undergo rapid MITOSIS, essentially cloning you. Except, neither of you is the clone... or rather, you're both the clone? The distinction hardly matters, if there even is one.

>Write "how many times have we done this" on the wall with one tally.

You write down "How many times have we done this", referring to your recent cloning of course, and put down one tally mark on the wall. There are now two tally marks on the wall.

Unfortunately the only thing you had to write with was the blood of the fallen. You should probably be careful with that stuff, blood is notorious for getting all over stuff if you don't clean it up right away. It's not worth the trouble unless you have some baking soda handy.

>Steal all the treasure.

You already have, you think. The real treasure was the friend we made along the way. Literally!

>Escape the dungeon.

You escape the dungeon, double time.

>Go to the city.

You and your cool new pal (who is also just you) walk to the big city together, with a plan to finally live it up now that you can set up an infinite EGO-FEEDBACK LOOP. There shall no longer be any interaction you can't handle. Your life fucking rocks.

>Find red light district.

You find the red light district, and head to its epicenter at the corner of Dead Cop Street and Prostitute Way. The whores and drug dealers are out in full force today!

>Blow all the treasure on hookers and cocaine, live happily ever after.

You two begin arguing over who should start blowing who for drugs and sex. Neither of you wants to be the person doing the blowing, so your plan goes nowhere. Ideally though if one of you could take one for the team you could blow a drug dealer for money, then give the drugs to a hooker for some time with them. Seems like a lot of effort, and will definitely not result in a happily ever after.

Spoiler

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Put the weapon away and just go and talk up the guards (from a stab-safe distance), what's their names, their stories, what are they guarding there anyway?

> throw carpet over one guard, shoot the other guard in his dumb guard head weekspot while running up to the carpeted guard and beat his confused blind ass with your gun till he's dead.

[23toedbasket]

Assert yourself as the dominant clone through brutal combat and begin your career as a pimp

[Merlin]

>Hold people up with your gun
>put money into real estate
>be terrible landlords

[RoyalFiddle]

Have a SICK BACKFLIP OFF to determine which you is the superior one

[tentativeTumbleweed]

Crit on deception and pretend to be a dungeon inspector, here to, well, inspect the dungeon. You'll have to have access to all rooms though, so it'd be nice if they let you through so you could do your job.

[luigi]

>Suck each others dicks.

You go somewhere more private. You mentioned earlier that you weren't sure what gender you were, but you guess you're about to find out.

->

You have lost your INNOCENCE. Your will to live has decreased by 100 points. Your risk of SUICIDE increases by 10 points.

>Crawl the shit out of another dungeon

You walk over to Level 2. The physical location, not the character growth kind. You have a feeling that since you beat Level 1, you can now go on to play Level 2! You love dungeon crawling so much, the joy of a new dungeon abates the SUICIDE DEBUFF by a significant margin.

>Assert yourself as the dominant clone through brutal combat and begin your career as a pimp

Suddenly, almost as if by contrivance, the Spirit of the Mountain curses one of the clones with unfathomable Pimplust. It's like bloodlust, but you take it out in a way emulating the archetype of a pimp. Weird condition to be afflicted with.

You kill the clone and begin heading back to town.

Try Again?

>Yes

You are a Dungeon Crawler, and you have just crawled the shit out of this dungeon. All that stands between you and the Treasure now are these dudes in tacky armour. What do you do?

>Hold people up with your gun

You Level Up to Level 3 for slaying your clone. Your boon is a better gun, with 2 bullets instead of one! The first thing you do with your newly heightened mental state is begin pointing your gun at some hooker back in town. It's all their fault you lost your innocence sort of, therefore it's justified for you to assault them.

>Whatever just go to a McDonalds

You decide those guys in armour look a bit too tough for you at such a low level, and leave the dungeon to go bulk up on McD's.

->

You walk to Townburgstead.

->

You sit down at the nearest McDonalds and begin enjoying a delicious big mac.

>Put money into real estate.

If by money you mean threats of violence then yeah, you manage to put enough money into real estate to buy you this LIQUOR STORE. Against all odds, you've grown fond of the hooker and made her your Wife. You will rule these mean streets with her.

>Be terrible landlords

You let the previous owner still act as manager though. You need to keep the place running if you want a steady source of income. You also introduce rent to the arrangement, but he's not allowed upstairs where the actual bedrooms are he's to stay inside business-related areas. Because you're just a possessed scummy crime lord living with a drug-addicted prostitute in the worst part of town, the liquor store predictably goes to shit. More so than it was already was.

But that doesn't stop the money from coming in. It's booze after all. You and your wife begin fighting a lot.

>Have a SICK BACKFLIP OFF to determine which you is the superior one.

"WHY IS IT THAT WHENEVER WE FIGHT, YOU ALWAYS RESORT TO BACK FLIPPING?" Your wife screams.

You have enough of her shit and force her to back flip face first onto the pavement below. You should probably deal with the corpse before cops arrive.

>Crit on deception and pretend to be a dungeon inspector, here to, well, inspect the dungeon. You'll have to have access to all rooms though, so it'd be nice if they let you through so you could do your job.

Refreshed from your meal at McDonald's you return to the dungeon with a fresh idea. You grab the book of riddles from the dungeon entrance on your way in, and write "Work Stuff" on the back. Then you walk up to the guard and simply explain that you are here for the dungeon inspection. They ask you why the title of your work notes is on the back of the book. You tell them it's written on both covers. They ask to see the front cover. You say no. They shrug and let you go wherever you want, with full Inspector authority.

->

You walk into the treasure room. Wow, what the fuck is this thing?

[23toedbasket]

First, clone yourself,
then switch from SPACE to TIME
and send clone in to test it out.

[luigi]

>First, clone yourself.

You see the button that says MITOSE and due to your passive nature and its status as the first button in reading order, you decide it's the one you will press. Unsurprisingly, you undergo mitosis and are now two new individual consciousnesses. You have a strong case of Deja Vu right now.

>Switch from SPACE to TIME.

One of the new best friends flips the switch and a hidden panel pulls back to reveal a small screen with a number pad. The number 24 is currently typed in. The MITOSE, MIDAS, and MY DOSE buttons become inactive.

>Send clone in to test it out.

While one of you is busy checking out this number pad thing the other one of you presses start and quickly hops off the platform to see what will happen to you.

->

You are transported into the past it seems. Or, at least some sort of alternate timeline where you tried to offer these guys a share of the treasure instead of pretending to be a dungeon inspector.

[Merlin]

Original guy: quickly, offer up the new you as part of the deal

[luigi]

Quick recap:

The Dungeon Crawler (DC) tried and failed numerous times to get into the treasure room, sucking so hard that even the Creator of the game began chastising them. After a while they managed to engage in some shenanigans that allowed them entry into the Treasure Room, where they saw a large machine with a lot of different buttons. They cloned themself via Mitosis and ended up with two selves who were best bros. The best bros went into town in an effort to do drugs and have sex, but upon trying the latter on each other (who doesn't want to fuck themself???) they became grossed out and despondent.

To get their minds off the horrible act they just performed on each other the two clones walked to the Level 2 dungeon, but before they could even enter the Spirit of the Mountain used one of the clones' heightened emotional state to corrupt them, turning one of the DC's into an evil Pimp. The Pimp killed the DC and went into town to become a shitty landlord. Last we saw of them, they had just killed their wife via window backflip.

Meanwhile, the dead DC respawned like normal at the beginning of the game. After some tomfoolery involving a trip to McDonald's the DC managed to get into the Treasure room, where they were again drawn to Mitosing themself. This time they tried messing around with the Time function of the machine, and one of the DC's accidentally got sent "back in time" to page 24, where they and an alternate-past version of themself haven't entered the Treasure room yet.

So in short there are 4 Dungeon Crawlers across 3 Timelines:

The timeline with the Pimp.
The timeline with DC still in the Treasure room.
The timeline in the alternate-past with two DC's still in the hallway.

It's all so simple I don't know why I even bothered recapping.

[1011686]

>Future-DC: Share your revelations about the future with past-DC.
>Successful DC: Fiddle with that 'Template Item' panel a bit, see what it does.
>Pimp DC: Consider life experiences. Was all that money really so important, that you would sacrifice the love of your life for it? Resolve to become a wealthy philanthropist and spend your days helping orphans or something.

[IamtheFather]

>Past DC: Shoot guard before he tries anything funny
>Successful DC: Set the face switch to sad
>Pimp DC: Contemplating feelings is lame, take over the shoe store next

[tentativeTumbleweed]

Pimpventurer: You know what you have to do. The only way to boost your pimp archetypes even more is to turn anything you touch into tacky gold objects. Return to treasure chamber, change setting to Midas and apply to yourself

[RancidRancor]

>Pimpversion: hire sum thugs

[luigi]

->

INTERRUPTION.

->

->

>Original guy: Quickly, offer up the new you as part of the deal.

You grab the new guy and since he's literally you, decide you have the authority to traffick him, on his/your behalf. The guards appear offended by this author - they would never commit SLAVERY!! The guard draws their weapon.

>Future-DC: Share your revelations about the future with past-DC.

You attempt to tell your past self about the future, but you are killed as a meat shield before you can finish your sentence. Right before you die, you hear your "past" self say "What did you say? The treasure is a shitty clown?"

Try Again?

>Yes

You are a Dungeon Crawler, and you have just crawled the shit out of this dungeon. All that stands between you and the Treasure now are these dudes in tacky armour. What do you do?

>Successful DC: Fiddle with that 'Template Item' panel a bit, see what it does.

It's not a panel, it's like... a slot, or a hole. You assume it is here to recieve a "Template Item".

>Pimp DC: Consider life experiences. Was all that money really so important, that you would sacrifice the love of your life for it? Resolve to become a wealthy philanthropist and spend your days helping orphans or something.

You try to regain a bit of your conscience, but due to the brainwashing from the Spirit of the Mountain you are unable to feel any sort of non-sociopathic emotions. Some cops have arrived, and are beginning an investigation into the murder of the sad hooker lady.

>Past DC: Shoot guard before he tries anything funny

You use your dead time-clone as a shield while you shoot the stabby dude in the face. The other guard is now the one getting ready to weapon-brandish!

You gain a level! You are now at level 2. Your boon is a pair of RAD SHADES that grant you +1% bonus success on any action you take so long as RULE OF COOL is in effect.

>Successful DC: Set the face switch to sad

Okay. Switch set to sad.

>Pimp DC: Contemplating feelings is lame, take over the shoe store next

You don't have time for that! The cops are starting to clue in on your scheme!

>Pimpventurer: You know what you have to do. The only way to boost your pimp archetypes even more is to turn anything you touch into tacky gold objects. Return to treasure chamber, change setting to Midas and apply to yourself.

You wait for the cops to barge into the liquor store before sneaking out the back door.

->

You walk back to the dungeon.

->

In the treasure room, you set the machine to MIDAS and hop up on the platform, ready to recieve your golden magic.

->

You are now made out of gold. Luckily you seem to have retained your previous flesh-mobility. You are now a sentient, golden man possessed by the spirit of an ancient, powerful pimp.

>Pimpversion: Hire sum thugs

Since you can't sell yourself if you want to be a successful pimp, you decide to make some more gold items to sell. The only thing you have in the room is yourself, so you hit MITOSE and MIDAS at the same time before putting your head into the template item slot. You hit start and make a bunch of golden golems, styled in your image. You realize instead of selling these things, you can just cut out the middlemen and use THEM as your thugs.

As they are merely Golems made in your image, and not literally you, their deaths will not incur a game over. They are mindless followers made of gold, imbued with the possession of the ancient pimp, and nothing more.

[23toedbasket]

>Pimp: let's see if those cops are still so curious now that you've got your golden goons... and if they wont be crooked, MAKE EM CROOKED.

[RancidRancor]

>Past DC: Go wave ur gun at tha guards an ask "WHO THE HELL DO YOU WORK FOR"
>find that son of a bitch